FDA Tightens Up on Ex-Lax

WASHINGTON: After 90 years of regularity, America's No.1 laxative is set to be dumped from supermarket shelves. Novartis, the drug's maker, pulled Ex-Lax Friday after the FDA announced an intended ban of the product. Apparently high doses of phenolphthalein, Ex-Lax's active ingredient, causes cancer in laboratory animals. Novartis said it was "obviously disappointed," but promised that a reformulated Ex-Lax derived from the senna plant would be on store shelves in 60 days. Expect coffee and bran muffin futures to skyrocket when Wall Street's big players get back from the beach.