This Preposterous Week! Paul Slansky’s News Index

Blitzer, Wolf
• crushing defeat of on Jeopardy (finishing with minus $4600!) makes for some mighty entertaining viewing if you’re the kind of person who finds a pompous anchorman revealing his howling ignorance (Jesus was born in Jerusalem?) amusing

Blunt, Representative Roy
• Values Voter Summit is regaled by with story comparing President Obama and his fellow Democrats to jungle monkeys, but hey, it’s not like anything racist was meant by

Bush, George W.
• former aides to attempt to discredit memoir by former speechwriter for, many of the sweetest details from which can be found here and here and here
• imagined reminiscences of

Cameron, Kirk
• video promoting an altered creationist version of Origin of Species — a version containing an introduction citing “Darwin’s racism” and “his disdain for women” and tossing in an obligatory link to Hitler — is narrated by, and made fun of, and made more fun of

Cantor, Representative Eric
• fool is made of self by with the suggestion that an uninsured cancer-ridden woman should just find some charitable organization to pay for her operation

Coburn, Senator Tom
• Values Voters Summit is told by chief of staff for that pre-teen boys hate homosexuals more than anyone else does, and that “all pornography is homosexual pornography,” so if you explain that to them they won’t want to read Playboy, and — oh, just read it for yourself

Corzine, Governor Jon
• obesity of opponent of is none-too-subtly pointed out in ad for

DeLay, Tom
• booty of is shaken and “Wild Thing” is lip-synched and air-guitared to by, after which daughter of urges viewers to repeatedly vote for “to keep him on the show that he’s enjoying so much!”

Dylan, Bob
• surreality of upcoming Christmas album by can be experienced here

Edwards, John
• preternatural caddishness of

Egypt
• slaughter of all the pigs in turns out to have been not such a brilliant idea

FBI
• extreme displeasure of with New York City detectives who blew the cover on a major counterterrorism investigation by

Finke, Nikki
• profusion of excuses by for occasionally sporadic postings of

Fiorina, Carly
• Web site for senatorial race of — “Carlyfornia dreamin’!!!” — is not respectfully received

Kerry, Senator John
• exuberant reaction of to the naming of Paul Kirk to briefly sit in Ted Kennedy’s Senate seat

King, Representative Steve
• warning by that same-sex marriage is just one brief stop on the route to socialism

Kristol, Irving
• legacy of

Mad Men
• least expected moment ever on

McGinniss, Joe
• despite bid by of over $60,000, Sarah Palin will not be dined with by

Microsoft
• video tutorial explaining how to host a launch party for the new operating system of — can’t wait to do that, huh? — is put out by

Noonan, Peggy
• offense is taken by at President Obama’s “boorish” propensity for appearing frequently on television

Obama, President Barack
• despite endless droning by pundits about the overexposure of, including one excruciating attempt at humor about, poll shows two-thirds of respondents do not feel that they’re seeing too much of
• ecstasy-inducing faulting of for “his determination to rely on rational analysis, rather than narrow decisions” by the terminally ridiculous David Broder
• reported rethinking by — despite the ominous Cheneyesque promise by the credibility-free Condoleezza Rice (who, remember, ignored very specific pre-9/11 warnings about bin Laden) that “another terrorist attack in the U.S.” will be the result — of disastrous no-win Afghanistan policy of

Palin, Sarah
• cell phone footage of Hong Kong speech by, which was closed to the press but here, for masochists, are some excerpts

Perry, Governor Rick
• man’s head is petted by

Phillips, Mackenzie
• horrible family secret is revealed by that you’ll think about from now on every time you hear a song by the Mamas and the Papas

public option
• parody PSA defending health insurance executives asks “who’s really supporting it other than 80 percent of the American people”

Qaddafi, Muammar
• extended blitherings of

Sanford, Jenny
• book about to be written by is unlikely to be called Stand By Your Man

Sanford, Governor Mark
• God continues to punish

Smith, Jaclyn
• ongoing aliveness of, the much-loathed Perez Hilton’s moronic gaffe notwithstanding

Trump, Donald
• initial denial by spokeswoman for that Qaddafi was pitching a tent on property rented from is soon followed by acknowledgement that maybe it did happen after all

Values Voter Summit
• attendees at are told by Carrie Prejean that she is “disgusted at the way some people can be so intolerant” of her views on same-sex marriage, though her intolerance of same-sex marriage itself is apparently not disgusting
• most amusing image from

Weathers, Myles
• career as postal worker of ends with guilty plea by to stealing more than 3,000 DVDs from Netflix mailers

Yeltsin, Boris
• 1995 efforts of to hail a taxi in front of the White House — while drunk and clothed only in underwear — to go get a pizza