AT&T
news is made by for something other than the lousy mobile phone service of
Borowitz, Andy
insufficient media attention to Jon & Kate Plus Eight is bemoaned by
Burris, Sen. Roland
wiretapped efforts of to figure out how to buy Obama's Senate seat from Blagojevich without having it look like it was bought
California Supreme Court
ban on gay marriage is upheld by while previously performed gay marriages are recognized as legal by huh?
Carlson, Tucker
paucity of critics of the Obama administration is noted and a solution to that nonexistent problem is offered by
Cheney, Dick
benightedness of (it means a state of moral or intellectual darkness or unenlightenment) is pointed out by former secretary of state Lawrence Eagleburger
pressuring of CIA by (along with Rumsfeld) to lie to Congress more than three decades ago
Clinton, Bill
the Kennedys and Bill Richardson are not forgiven by
Deal, Rep. Nathan
proposal by to deny "birthright citizenship" to newborns whose parents are in the U.S. illegally
Eminem
droll ditty about drug-addicted mother of ("I know you're probably tired of hearing 'bout my mom") is highlight of fifth straight number one album by
Gibson, Mel
lips of Octo-mom are mocked by despite similar countenance of newly impregnated girlfriend of
Johnston, Levi
revelation by that Todd Palin repeatedly offered to buy Bristol a new car in exchange for the dumping of
Kerik, Bernard
latest indictment of
Lee, Brenda
kicking and screaming of result in dragging away from Air Force One of
Limbaugh, Rush
desire of for Sotomayor to yep, you guessed it FAIL!
Madonna
faultlessness of is noted by 22-year-old boyfriend of
faults of seem less obscure in nude painting of
McCluskey, John W.
explanation by that Rudy Giuliani was accosted on a Bridgehampton street by because "I am not a respecter of him"
Muller, Erich "Mancow"
torturous nature of waterboarding is rapidly discovered by, as is the torturous nature of the jailhouse comedy stylings of accused third-wife-killer and suspected fourth-wife-killer Drew Peterson
National Organization for Marriage
latest ad from urges viewers to call their senators and urge them to "SAY NO TO SAME SAME SEX MARRAIGE"
Nowitzki, Dirk
extreme caddishness of
Obama, President Barack
failure of and the failure of anyone else in the repulsively wussy party of to rise to the occasion and lead the fight for gay civil rights
O'Reilly, Bill
cretinous claim is made by that if same sex marriage was legalized, "you could have married a duck"
Peters, Ralph
necessity for future "military attacks on the partisan media" is crazily envisioned by
Petraeus, Gen. David
Obama's decision to shut down Guantanamo is endorsed by
Shields, Brooke
revelation by that virginity of was maintained for 22 years oh, wait, you don't care, right, of course not, why would you?
Smith, Robert M.
details of how the New York Times blew the Watergate story are revealed 37 years after the fact by
Sobule, Jill
Rupert Murdoch is serenaded by
Sotomayor, Sonia
attacks by conservatives on despite summa cum laude degree and various other academic achievements of as an intellectual lightweight
lie is told about by Chuck Todd
Mike Huckabee refers to as "Maria Sotomayor" because, you know, aren't all Latina women named Maria?
nomination of demonstrates victory of "empathy ... over excellence" to notorious non-empathizer John Yoo
nomination of demonstrates why any prediction by Bill Kristol should be met by loud and derisive cackling
pronunciation by of own name (So-to-may-OR) is deemed by Mark Krikorian hell, let's call him Kri-ko-ri-AN to be "unnatural"
"racist" label is liberally applied to by desperate conservatives
unanimous confirmation is now impossible for
Specter, Sen. Arlen
wildly undeserved free ride may yet be denied to
T.I.
price is paid by for 2007 efforts of to buy unregistered machine guns and silencers from undercover federal agents
Twitter
co-founders of clearly have no idea how to make money from
suffering of people who feel that life is bereft of meaning without a TV series based on is soon to be alleviated
West, Kanye
book is co-written by despite contempt for books "Sometimes people write novels and they just be so wordy and so self-absorbed. I am not a fan of books. I would never want a book's autograph. I am a proud non-reader of books" of