We live in a rational, full-disclosure world. Experts and other smarty-pants like me are always talking about how we parents have to be absolutely truthful with our children and meet every question with detailed answers, complete with footnotes and helpful websites. Because of this, our kids know where babies come from and that a rainbow is just light refracted through water droplets. Maybe this is a good thing, but it sure has taken some of the magic out of parenting, not to mention childhood. Christmas, however, is a time when believers in the plain truth should consider applying some varnish. Parents might want to explain away the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, Elvis’ ghost and E.T. But we shouldn’t be too literal about Santa Claus.
Kids ages 3 to 6 love the mystery and surprise of Christmas, but at about age 7, they begin to knock holes in the Santa scenario. Maybe they’ve heard something from an older child, or they’ve started doing the math themselves, calculating the number of chimneys worldwide versus the maximum speed of a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer. You know your kid is a doubter if he comes in holding a globe and a calculator and wearing an expression that says, “We have to talk.”
Ed Downey works as a professional Santa in December and as a Jerry Garcia impersonator the rest of the time (he has a full, tuggable beard). Downey told me that every good professional Santa deals with skeptics by deflection, and I think that’s a good idea at home too. When your child asks you pointed questions, ask him what he thinks about the holiday, what he thinks it’s really about, and what he likes most about it. If your child presses you on specifics–“How come you and Santa have the same wrapping paper?” is one of my favorites–Downey suggests you assure him that Santa has help from a lot of people, including you.
Richard Eyre, father of nine and author of Teaching Our Children Values, says he introduced the concept of “real/imaginary” to his children when they were little. “The birth of Jesus is real/real,” he says. “It’s an actual historical event that we celebrate. Invisible friends are imaginary/imaginary. Santa Claus is real/imaginary. He’s in-between.” Eyre says his kids were relieved to be offered an option of believing in the spirit of Christmas without having to be too literal about Santa Claus, and that the tradition of real/imaginary has been passed on to his grandchildren.
Families who need to brush up on holiday skepticism should do themselves a favor and rent Miracle on 34th Street. (The original 1947 movie, starring a very young Natalie Wood, is wonderful.) Another great source of inspiration for parents and kids is the original “Yes, Virginia, There Is a Santa Claus,” an editorial written by Francis P. Church for the New York Sun in 1897, in response to a doubting letter from Virginia O’Hanlon, 8. The essay is available at www.about.com and in an illustrated book version published by Delacorte Press.
When my daughter pressed me on the Santa question, I told her that while I can’t prove that there is a Santa, I also can’t prove that there isn’t one. I reminded her that we often believe in things, like God, that we can’t see. And I told her, quite honestly, that every Christmas morning yields surprises for all of us, even grownups, if we’re lucky enough to still believe.
For more on kids and Santa, please see our website at time.com/personal You can send Amy an e-mail at timefamily@aol.com
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