Ask Dr. Notebook

Q What’s up with those ferrets Mike Tyson has? I love those guys.

A Sadly, the ferrets are not O.K. Last month one of Tyson’s assistants, sensing trouble, called a ferret-rescue volunteer, who discovered one dead ferret and one that seemed very, very scared. After receiving necropsy results, the district attorney decided not to file charges when authorities couldn’t prove whom the ferrets belonged to–Tyson or the assistant. Whoever owned them could have faced up to six months in jail.

Q I hate when people’s cell phones ring in public. Anything I can do to stop them?

A Sure is. Last week model LAETITIA CASTA’S phone rang repeatedly as she sat in the back seat of a Parisian taxicab. The driver, understandably annoyed, doused the official face of France with a wallop of tear gas. It worked.

Q I love golf, but the prize money just isn’t motivating me like it used to. What can I do? A If you live in Australia, there’s hope. A charity golf tournament organized by a cosmetic-surgery firm offered a penis enlargement for the man with the longest drive and a breast enlargement to the woman with the best round. In response, the government is trying to ban surgical prizes.