Cinema: . . . And Share Alike

“I’m an obvious plonker,” confesses the hero of All Neat in Black Stockings. “You know, someone who shares his crumpet with his mates.” Indeed, Ginger (Victor Henry) and his best mate Dwyer (Jack Shepherd) have a smooth little system for sharing the wealth. They bring the birds back to their adjoining digs, dim the lights, then trade rooms and partners. It’s not as cushy as the setup in Two Gentlemen Sharing, but it gets the job done. At least, until Ginger meets Jill, “the special one” (Susan George). “It’s been over three weeks and she’s still untouched by human hands,” Dwyer complains before righting the situation during a drunken brawl. Ginger, shaken up just a bit at first, finally recovers and marries Jill, who by now is great with Dwyer’s child. All of this is supposed to be comic, but it comes out grubby melodrama. There is, as partial compensation, some excellent location photography of suburban London by Cameraman Larry Pizer, but that’s just so much frosting on a half-baked slice of lowlife.