Foreign News: Tower Court-Martial

An iron-jawed British court-martial convened last week in the locally celebrated case of a Sergeant-Who-Watered-The-Beer -Of -The -Officers’ -Mess -At -The -Tower-Of-London (where His Majesty’s beer-bibbing Beefeaters guard the Crown Jewels).

This reckless character broke down as he faced the court-martial. He sniveled: “S’elp me, Hi honly done it to sive a few bob t’buy warm clothes for me wife an’ child!”

Taking no chances, the court-martial suspended judgment until an investigation can be made of whether last winter the sergeant’s wife and child really needed woollies. The final verdict: guilty.