Ready, Set, Relax!

ANDRE LAMBERTSON FOR TIME
CALLING TIME OUT: Donna Olsen kicks back by shooting hoops with her daughter Renee and her son Scott at home in Ridgewood N.J.

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The group developed the first Ready, Set, Relax! project for March 26, 2002. The concept was straightforward. Elementary and middle schools would not assign homework. Youth sports teams would cancel practice. Clubs and tutors would schedule no meetings or lessons. And parents would come home from work in time to have dinner with their kids and focus on family matters. "A lot of people were grappling with these issues, but no one was sure how or where to cut back because no one wanted to risk having their kids miss out or lose their place academically or athletically," says Marra. "It was just one night, but we wanted to send a message. If parents wanted to give something up, Ready, Set, Relax! let them know it's O.K. to follow your instincts. Your kids won't suffer, and most importantly, the community values that decision."

No one knows how many of the town's targeted 2,400 families with children in grades K through 8 participated, but nearly 500 of them sent back surveys saying they enjoyed the experience. By the time the second event rolled around last March, Mayor Jane Reilly says, it seemed as much a local tradition as the Christmas-tree lighting and the Fourth of July parade. And there are signs that some families consider the effort to slow down something more than just a once-a-year affair. "Ready, Set, Relax! was a sanity check for us," says David BaRoss, a manager at a big telecommunications company who habitually worked late and missed dinner with his wife Beth and daughters Kelsey, 11, and Rochelle, 14. David and Beth, a former commuter mom who now works closer to home, have placed a cap on extracurricular activities for the girls and have made spending free time together a priority. "We just couldn't keep going and going and piling on more," says Beth. "We were missing out on life."

David still works late a lot, but now the BaRosses set aside one night a week for family get-togethers that feature either a restaurant outing and a movie or a themed dinner at home followed by board games. David has a perfect attendance record. There have been institutional changes around the town as well. Wellness director Allen is urging community-league coaches who use school facilities to give youngsters some time just to have fun. Parents, meanwhile, are being encouraged to stand their ground against demanding coaches, and coaches are being told to be more empathetic. "If you don't want your child on a traveling team, or if your child doesn't want to play the same sport year round, you should be able to approach the coach about it without being told no, or facing the threat that your kid won't make the team," says Frank Giordano, a past president of the town sports council.

Still, if the Ridgewood experience is any indication, taking back your time is going to take more effort than it would seem at first. Even the BaRosses have found it hard to slow down. David admits that leaving work early adds stress because it puts him under the gun to finish his undone tasks and new projects on time in order to avoid a poor performance evaluation. "I'd love to cut back," he says. "But I also want to maintain the lifestyle we have." Outside considerations are on Rochelle's mind too. A few weeks ago, she announced that she had decided to run for eighth-grade vice president. The campaign, she explained, would look good on her college applications.

Teenagers have been the most reluctant to slow down. A crammed schedule is a badge of honor at Ridgewood High, and Ready, Set, Relax! is considered kid stuff. "My friends and I don't feel overwhelmed," says Ethan Frenchman, a busy senior with pals on the varsity sports squads. "You just have to set up a schedule and stick to it." His classmate Marielle Woods says she would love a night off, but that doesn't fit in with her plans to get into a top college. Last year on Ready, Set, Relax! night, she drove to New York City to audition for a gig as the voice-over narrator on a radio commercial. That's just one of about a dozen extracurricular activities she juggles while maintaining a 4.0 grade-point average. After a day of advanced-placement and honors classes, she spends two hours at tennis-team practice. And if she doesn't have an evening rehearsal or performance with the school wind ensemble, she tackles her duties as a yearbook editor, the sailing-club president or the head of a charity for the homeless she founded before turning to homework. "There are times when I'm up late with my textbooks with so much to do, so little time and my head in my hands, wondering how I'm going to get it all done," admits Marielle, an early-decision applicant to an Ivy League school. "But I'm doing stuff I enjoy, and that's almost as good as relaxing for me." In a tacit admission of just how hard it is to get off the hypercompetitive track, next year's Ready, Set, Relax! night in Ridgewood has been scheduled for March 22. It's a date that won't conflict with the season's high school academic competitions, sports events and student theater productions.