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STARLET EDITION

GOOD WEEK/BAD WEEK

Lindsay Lohan

The (former?) party girl will play Elizabeth Taylor in Lifetime’s forthcoming biopic

Demi Lovato

The 19-year-old former Disney star copped to receiving alcohol and drugs from club promoters

[sending text message]

OMG LOL

Low-Tech Texting

To honor the 20th anniversary of the text message, Moleskine has released a limited-edition notebook that comes with a slingshot attachment and tiny notes that read I LOVE YOU and CALL ME. It’s the perfect way to annoy your co-workers–or force your kids to cut down on their texting bills.

PAPARAZZI

Snapping at the Stars

Marlon Brando broke his jaw. Sean Penn punched his nephew. Such was the career arc of Ron Galella, the godfather of modern paparazzi. Though he cut his teeth as a photographer during the Korean War, Galella, now 81, soon moved back to the U.S. to pursue the likes of Brigitte Bardot, Mick Jagger and Andy Warhol, whose images are featured in the new book Paparazzo Extraordinaire. Of course, Galella’s vintage stalker shots seem like high art in the age of TMZ.

Galella’s obsession was Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, who obtained a restraining order

QUICK TALK

Jason Segel

“We’re, like, the least masculine writers in Hollywood,” jokes Jason Segel, star of The Five-Year Engagement (out now), which he penned with buddy Nicholas Stoller. His latest flick tackles the ups and downs of a serious, committed relationship–with a few dude-humor jokes along the way.

Overall, Five-Year is hilarious. But some of your fights [with your onscreen fiance, played by Emily Blunt] are surprisingly intense. I don’t think a romantic comedy has to appeal to the lowest common denominator. What I love about Broadcast News is how complicated it is. There is no villain. You don’t know who you want [the lead] to end up with. That’s our model. Your character grows some awful facial hair during a rough patch. Was it real? [Laughs.] It was not real. But it is inspired by my real life. Oh, yeah? I’ve been known to grow passive-aggressive facial hair. Please elaborate. In relationships and when I was younger and not getting cast, I’d do it under the guise of “Oh, you think I care. Well, I’m not even gonna try anymore.” It really is an expression of, like, “F— this.” Ha. I’ll do that next time one of my stories gets cut. Yeah, go for it.

–DAN MACSAI

BABY GENIUS

159

IQ of 4-year-old Heidi Hankins, who was admitted to the bergenius Mensa society–almost as impressive as the 160 IQ of Oscar Wrigley, who made the grade at age 2 in 2009

POLITICS

Mayor Kardashian?

In a bonus clip from her sister’s reality show Khloe & Lamar, Kim Kardashian says she has decided to run for mayor of Glendale, Calif. The only problem: Glendale doesn’t have a mayor. The Los Angeles suburb elects a five-member council instead. Good thing Kardashian says she’ll wait five years before campaigning. That should be just enough time to learn something (read: anything) about how government works.

TRASH ART

“Maybe people will think twice before they throw these things away,” photographer Mandy Barker told TIME about her series Soup, which shows salvaged plastic arranged beautifully–and hauntingly–against black backdrops, as in Burnt, above. Read more at lightbox.time.com

NICHE MEDIA

Canine Cable

Thanks to DogTV, a new $4.99-per-month premium channel, four-legged viewers have their own breed of programming, designed to entertain them while their owners are away. Among the highlights: dogs horsing around a pool and dogs napping while New Age music plays–which sounds roughly as entertaining as everything on E!.

BRANDING

Moguls Gone Wild

In May, Justin Timberlake is bringing sexy back–to your living room. He’ll curate a line of sleek, modern furniture on the retail site HomeMint. It’s an intriguing brand extension for the singer-actor, last seen in the sci-fi flick In Time, but most celebs are more cavalier.

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WACKY

Jessica Simpson launched Dessert Treats, a line of edible cosmetics

Lady Gaga designed camera-sunglasses for Polaroid

He’s not Martha Stewart yet. But he’s trying

Michael Jackson lent his likeness to a line of premium chocolate bars

Nelly hawked an energy drink called Pimp Juice after his hit song

Sylvester Stallone shilled for high-protein pudding–until it got discontinued

WACKIER

3 THINGS YOU DON’T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THIS WEEK

1. The omnipotence of Ryan Seacrest.

Thanks to a new deal with Fox, he’ll get $30 million to host the next two seasons of American Idol.

2. Feeling comfy in $1,000 high heels.

Christian Louboutin recently told a reporter he has “not so much sympathy” for those who find his footwear painful.

3. Finding bug bits in your Frappuccino.

After angering vegetarians, Starbucks said it would remove insect-based food dyes from its signature drinks.