Other kids wanted to be Rudy, Rocky or Seabiscuit; my dream was to be the guy who gave those inspirational sports heroes a motivational speech. I could be responsible for great triumph without having to work out, get punched or spend my retirement having sex with females chosen by other people. I see a less Hefneresque retirement for myself.
But I've never had the opportunity to give that great speech, since people even the nice people who run TIME's softball team and whose most threatening competitor is the Village Voice keep me far away from crucial sports...
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