The Psychic Secrets of 2009 Revealed!

Well, revealed by a psychic I met at brunch. Don't worry. She consulted Abe Lincoln

Illustration by John Ueland for TIME

Plenty of journalists put together their 2009 predictions by consulting with economists, historians, pundits and the most annoying person they can find (for Oscar guesses). I got mine from Justine Kenzer, who is known as Psychic Girl and has done her $200 readings for Eva Longoria, Ellen DeGeneres and the cast of Friends, though I'm not that impressed with the last one. You don't need extra-sensory abilities to say, "I see a lot of terrible movies in your future."

I met Kenzer at a friend's Christmas brunch. Four years of living in Los Angeles, it turns out, does not begin to...

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