Pop Chart

SHOCKING

JONAS BROTHERS win T-Mobile Breakthrough Artist prize at American Music Awards. Josh Groban considered for Velveeta Lifetime Achievement Award

JOE THE PLUMBER lands book deal

Chinese Democracy finally hits stores, fulfilling the end-times prophecy “A long dormant Rose shall reach full bloom”

GWEN STEFANI to re-form No Doubt for 2009 tour. Bandmates get measured for Harajuku skirts

Vatican forgives JOHN LENNON for saying the Beatles were more popular than Jesus

French director to remake Hellraiser

SARAH PALIN wears Burberry scarf to turkey execution

PREDICTABLE

IVANKA TRUMP to pen motivational book. Lesson No. 1: Be rich, marry rich

Part-time Louisiana deputy STEVEN SEAGAL to star in law-enforcement reality show. Completely factual

NFL to air game in 3-D

Porn star JENNA JAMESON’S white silk couch up for sale. Giant bottle of Febreze sold separately

Rather than risk exposure to the sun, MICHAEL JACKSON settles lawsuit with Bahraini prince

Full House’s JODIE SWEETIN splits from hubby. First the meth, then the heartache

BRITNEY invites superfans to Times Square record-release party. Also, just anyone can come

ALAN COLMES, left, to depart Fox News’s Hannity & Colmes

Pete and Ashlee narrowly choose Bronx Mowgli as baby name over Yonkers Baloo

SHOCKINGLY PREDICTABLE