Punchlines: Dec. 12, 2005

“Earlier today Senate majority leader Bill Frist said that border security will be a ‘top priority’ in 2006 … This is like telling people in Mexico, ‘Hurry up, you’ve just got five weeks left before we close.'” –JAY LENO

“A big, huge chunk of marble fell off the Supreme Court building. Thank God Janet Reno was there and made a one-handed catch.” –DAVID LETTERMAN

“Bulgaria and Ukraine are considering pulling their forces out of Iraq. Yeah, it’s going to happen as soon as they find a car that can seat six people.” –CONAN O’BRIEN

“CIA REALIZES IT’S BEEN USING BLACK HIGHLIGHTERS ALL THESE YEARS.” –Fake news headline from THE ONION

For more political humor, visit time.com/cartoons