Punchlines: Sep. 12, 2005

“A pair of ruby slippers worn by Judy Garland in The Wizard of Oz have been stolen … The thief is being described as ‘armed and fabulous.'” –DAVID LETTERMAN

“As if this country doesn’t have enough to worry about, as of midnight last night, Martha Stewart’s ankle bracelet is off. She celebrated by breaking into a Pottery Barn and shoplifting a sconce.” –JIMMY KIMMEL

“GOOGLE ANNOUNCES PLAN TO DESTROY ALL INFORMATION IT CAN’T INDEX.” –Fake news headline from THE ONION

For more political humor, visit time.com/cartoons