Hello, May I Speak with a Human?

When calling someone in the modern era, you never know who will answer

Thank you for calling. To get you the help you need as fast as possible, we need to know why you called. Please say one of the following key words: 1) "weasel" if you were hoping we wouldn't be home, so that you could leave a message and get credit for calling; 2) "bored" if you are stuck in traffic and have time to waste but none of your friends you really want to talk to are home; 3) "lawn mower" if we borrowed something of yours, never returned it, and you want it back; 6) "whoops" if you have the...

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