“Before Social Security, Americans had to keep working long after they were past retirement age–kinda like the way Cher has to now.” –JAY LENO
“Earlier today Iraqi legislators ended a three-month impasse by approving a Cabinet for new Prime Minister Ibrahim al-Jaafari. The new Prime Minister is a Shi’a, the new President is a Kurd, and–as always, of course–the Transportation Secretary is Hispanic.” –JON STEWART
“Top 10 questions to ask yourself before camping out to see Star Wars … No. 4: Does Starbucks let guys dressed as galactic bounty hunters use their bathroom?” –DAVID LETTERMAN
“According to a new poll, Laura Bush’s popularity rating is 80%, while President Bush’s rating is down to 47%. When she heard this, Laura said, ‘Hey, it’s just like our grades in college.'” –CONAN O’BRIEN
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