Dictatorial Dynasty

Kim Jong Il, who runs North Korea like a murderous schoolmaster, has recently identified a new threat to his grip on power. Men in the North are letting their hair grow longer, a social trend so disturbing to Kimwho is instantly recognizable for his gravity-defying bouffantthat he is trying to eradicate it at its roots. The Dear Leader recently decreed that extravagant male locks, defined in the state media as exceeding 5 cm in length, are a bourgeois affectation that could undermine socialism. In a televised campaign called "Let's Trim Our Hair According to the Socialist Lifestyle," citizens are told that...