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"Yeah, well I am a masochist. Why? Because I felt persecuted as a child. My father made a never-ending impression on me. He had a philosophy, little pearls of wisdom he would drop on us. One of them was, 'If it feels good, you are doing something wrong. If you are suffering, you are doing something right.' I tried not to compartmentalize those feelings, so that they are rooted in the same impulse. Another was, 'If there were more virgins, the world would be a better place.' "
In Truth or Dare, a stylized icon of the Madonna appears dreamlike over her head and then dissolves into the form of the black-clad chanteuse spinning beneath the cross in an act of contrition: Mea culpa. Mea maxima culpa.
"I guess you do get a certain sense of power if you are carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders and taking care of people. I certainly did when I was on tour in a hundred ways. I felt like I literally had not only my personal family that I was traveling with, that I was in charge of and responsible for, but then I had to go out onstage to the public -- the impersonal family -- and give them what they came for. But I am much more conscious of my masochism than any messianic feelings I may have.
"I think about death a lot, maybe because I don't know about life after death. So I strive as hard as I can to suck every drop out of life. The great thing about being an artist is that artists are immortal by the fact that they leave their work behind them. There is something comforting about knowing that my life was not just a waste.
"Finally I see what has happened to me is a blessing because I am able to express myself in many ways that I never would have if I hadn't had this kind of career. And I don't think my career is just for myself. I know this is going to sound horrible, but I think I help a lot of people. It is my responsibility to do that. I never wish I had a different life. I am lucky to be in the position of power that I am in and to be intelligent. Most people in my position say, 'Listen, you don't have to do any of that. Just kick back, man. Just enjoy your riches. Go get a house in Tahiti. Why do you keep getting yourself into trouble?'
"It's not in my nature to just kick back. I am not going to be anybody's patsy. I am not going to be anybody's good girl. I will always be this way. Am I misunderstood? Yes, but less now than I have been."
Whether you want to swing upon her tarnished star, burn her at the media stake or just ponder her anatomy, Madonna is ready with an orchestra of masks for your pleasuring and consternation. Call them out-of-bawdy Madonna experiences. True, and daring. What is most astonishing about Madonna is not her originality or even the commercial success of any particular artistic venture, but her willingness to reinvent herself boldly again and again. The force that keeps her a moving target is a naked defiance that is nothing if not original sin: she wants to live forever, if only in our dreams.