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I was also concerned that NASA has suspended its Twitter feed, denying more than 5 million followers updates such as "@astro_luca put #Canadarm in motion and installed #Cygnus to #ISS #Harmony node" and other things there's no way 5 million people understand. So I've thought up someone far better at getting people excited about space to run NASA's account: Alfonso Cuarón, director of the movie Gravity. I know he can tell interesting stories with 140 characters because he was able to do it in Gravity with barely two.
I've got plans to reopen the park system (UFC fighters rip holes in gates), restart IRS audits (Larry Page writes an algorithm) and rehire all government employees (Warren Buffett pays them). I will make sure all these randomly selected parts of our government keep running until either the shutdown ends or Thursday, when I've got to drive up to my college reunion.
I'll do it because I know that when the 99% can't put aside minor disagreements to provide basic services for one another, America will finally get the celebritocracy we deserve. We will be a shiny city upon a hill, with Us Weekly as our paper of record, the Forbes 400 as our House of Representatives and a panda cam with the highest production values of any panda cam in the world. It will be a country I will finally celebrate being part of. Because it will be celebrating me.