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Pasquale Buzzelli sometimes wonders why he was saved. He imagines the reason has something to do with his daughter Hope, who was born Nov. 18. (His wife Louise has launched the Song for Hope Foundation to benefit women who were pregnant when they lost their husbands on Sept. 11.) "You almost feel like you have to do something, but you're not sure," he says. The indeterminacy is frustrating and painful for him, but not--at least outwardly--for Genelle. "I think sometimes: 'Why did I wait on Rosa?'" she says. "I guess the whole thing happened for a reason. It was just their time to go. God calls, and you have to answer. Some of them weren't prepared for him, and that gets to me. I know Rosa, I know she wasn't ready to go. It was just the life she was living--it wasn't a life of God."
This sounds judgmental, but Genelle doesn't mean it that way; she says that only God knows his plan for Rosa's soul. And Genelle knows that if she had died that day, she would not have been ready to meet her maker. But she is frustrated when people say she merely got lucky and those who died were unlucky. "This is not about luck," she says. "This is about God having a plan. And he will reveal it to me one day. I think God will give me a sign."
At moments like this, Genelle seems steeled by God's presence. At other times, she seems more wobbly, not as if she doubts her faith but as if she doubts everything else--her place in this world most of all. A few weeks ago, she watched on the news as a plane fighting forest fires crashed in a spectacular fireball. One expected some reaction, but her eyes were distant. She said something vague about the world coming to an end, a thought that didn't seem to trouble her much. God calls, and you have to answer.
It will take far longer than one year of reflection about Sept. 11 for all of her discordances to clarify. But many people who meet Genelle sense only peace. "My main impression of her is really just how calm she is," says Amsale Aberra, the wedding-gown designer, who got to know Genelle while working with her on a dress for the televised ceremony. "You would never guess what she had been through." And for now, that seems to be just what Genelle Guzman-McMillan wants. The rest of it--the big answers to why she is here--may always lie hidden between her and God.