Wednesday, Dec. 20, 2006

Britney Spears and Kevin Federline

The November breakup of the pop princess and her hyper-fertile backup dancer makes the chicken wings served at their 2004 wedding seem downright classy. Spears informed Federline, the father of her two sons, that their marriage was over in a text message. The next day Federline recovered from losing his gravy train, er, wife, by telling a crowd at a show, "You know I'm a free man, right, ladies? You wanna dance with a pimp?" Spears, meanwhile, lost a lot of weight, stopped wearing panties and started hanging out with Paris Hilton. We get it, kids, you're single.