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26. Oil drills
After a bad 2010, they're back underwater and having a banner 2011.
27. Broken airplanes
Little holes in your airplane scary, but not scary enough to distract you from wi-fi.
Hadn't heard from the Greeks in 2,400 years. Turns out they were spending a lot of money.
29. Justin Bieber's hair clippings
Someone bought his hair for $40,668. I'm guessing she's going to have a Super Sweet 16.
30. Food trucks
Mobile restaurants Grill 'Em All! Chairman Bao! Miso Hungry! have not only taken high-end food to the masses and gotten their own TV show (the Food Network's Great Food Truck Race); they have changed history. When vegetable-cart owner Mohammed Bouazizi was harassed by corrupt police in Tunisia, he set himself on fire, starting the Middle Eastern democracy protests.
Star Wars: Attack of the Clones only bored people to death. The U.S. drone attacks in Pakistan and Afghanistan are literally killing people.
32. Brett Favre's alleged penis
The penis that stopped all other penises from posing for photos we hope.
33. The royal wedding
Making women and gay men wake up ridiculously early around the globe.
Ironically, there are rarely book burnings in cold climates.
35. Blood libel
Sarah Palin accused people of doing it to her. Then Sarah Palin found out that the person who wrote it for her was kind of anti-Semitic.
Turning normal 13-year-olds into YouTube music sensations.
Popular both as a drink and a way of distinguishing yourself from less angry Republicans.
38. Meat dresses
Take up less space than bubble dresses and get even more attention. Lady Gaga rocked one, and then Jeremy Scott put a fake prosciutto dress (PETA acceptable) in his fashion show.
39. The national anthem
It's the new way to find out if we should get a celebrity some help. First Roseanne Barr, then Christina Aguilera. Can't the Dodgers hire Charlie Sheen to sing it?
Gaining on vampires, leaving mummies in the dust.
41. Electric cars
The Nissan Leaf and Chevy Volt are solving one problem and causing another. If I plug my car in at home, where do I buy my 5-hour energy drink?
42. General Electric's tax bill
The company somehow ducked out of both paying taxes and owning NBC. Good year.
Just when bacon was fading, Denny's put it in an entire menu, including the sundae. Enjoy your last moment, bacon. Duck fat is on your ass.
44. Irish banks
Spending money like drunk Irishmen.
Much better when you're on ecstasy and filming them for YouTube.
Just the fear of it is making Congress crazy.
47. White-girl problems
Huge on Twitter, where developing-world-women problems aren't so big.
Legal, unaged corn whiskey sold to Brooklyn hipsters. I believe we can also sell them our economic problems if we brand them the Great Depression.
We have turned movies into TV shows and TV shows into webcams and webcams into pretaped porn.
50. Four Loko
When this tall drink of alcohol and caffeine was pulled from stores, people in my neighborhood who had never tried it grabbed all the cans left on shelves and threw parties. It was, for one brief moment, the golden age of canned alcohol-and-caffeine beverages. Isn't this exactly the kind of government intrusion we voted the Tea Party into office to avoid?