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Actor, model, baby-daddy
Who knew American politics needed its own Kato Kaelin?
Hairy-chested, aggressive with women, charmingly backward you briefly charmed us with that big, fat wedding. Then you spent so much more money than you made, you forced the E.U. to bail you out. It will be a long time before we watch a movie about you again.
Ex-CEO of Countrywide Financial
He came in second on Portfolio magazine's list of "Worst American CEOs of All Time," right after Dick Fuld. Hard to put on a résumé under "Awards and Obnoxious Magazine Lists." Plus, now he has to list this one.
Former business magazine that never really took off
And now it's a website. Which, really, is sadder than not existing at all.
Former AIG exec
Rolling Stone's Matt Taibbi named him "patient zero" of the global economic meltdown. TIME magazine's Joel Stein called him "a big fat nunny pants." One of those is going to stick.
Governor of Nevada
He had a 10% approval rating. He had too many scandals for Nevada to handle.
His sex scandal is so confusing he gave a job to the husband of the woman he was cheating on his wife with (I think) that it's taking forever for him to be thrown out of office.
Exmayor of Baltimore
You have to be a pretty corrupt politician in Baltimore to impress us after we've watched The Wire. But with just one year to serve as mayor after being appointed when the previous mayor became governor, Dixon was found guilty of misappropriating gift cards meant for the poor. As if gift cards in and of themselves weren't enough of a racket.
Dodgers sort-of, maybe owner
Because of an ugly divorce case (she may have slept with both her chauffeur and, awesomely, the team's director of protocol) the former CEO of the L.A. Dodgers and ex-wife of owner Frank McCourt has been thrown out of the organization. But I'm sure her fantasy-league team is very influential.
I have no idea
I could tell you that Tila Nguyen changed her name to Miss Tila, that she released sonogram pictures of her baby to Radar Online or that her new single is called "I F_____ the DJ." All of which you'd never know if I didn't just write it. But the only data point I need, I believe, is this, from Wikipedia: "In December 2009, Nguyen partnered with Joe Francis to launch a dating site called 'TilasHotSpotDating.com.' "
He is in prison only until December, so it's got to be hard organizing long-term sports gambling there.
The other, nonfired Desperate Housewives don't have her back in her lawsuits against the show's creator.
The last CEO of Lehman Brothers ever
That has to be hard to explain on a résumé.
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