Suicide notes left by Heaven's Gate cult members may raise new questions about why some committed suicide. A note dated March 19 from a woman who called herself Golden indicates that she believed cult leader Marshall Applewhite was dying: "Once He is gone there is nothing left here on the face of the Earth for me, no reason to stay a moment longer." Some members apparently believe their leader was dying of cancer, but the coroner's office found no evidence of cancer in Applewhite's body. The newly-discovered notes, called "Earth Exit Statements," were on two computer disks sent to former cult member Richard Ford at his Beverly Hills office, along with the farewell videotape shown last week on national TV. Ford has been in hiding since he discovered the bodies of his former colleagues last Wednesday. Until Saturday night, when his employer, Nick Matzorkis, showed the disks to TIME, no one knew what was on them. They contain an update for the Heaven's Gate site, with personal suicide messages explaining the members' beliefs and reasons for going to the next "level" with their leader Do (Applewhite). TIME and CNN also obtained a two-minute color video shot by Richard Ford, aka Rio, when he discovered the bodies of his fellow cult members last week. Ford recorded the death scene of Applewhite, who lay on a large bed unlike the cots where his followers died. An illustration of an extraterrestrial stood nearby. The video is somewhat more gruesome than the portions of the sheriff's video shown on television. At least one cult member had blood flowing from the head, perhaps a reaction to the suicide drugs. Rio noted the triangular patch specially made for the group to wear on their all-black outfits. It reads: "Heaven's Gate Away Team."