As for Please Remain in Your Homes, well, once again CP's conflicted. Go looks like a definite go. Never Been Kissed? Iffy, but CP developed a tiny crush on the new dewy Drew since The Wedding Singer, and David Arquette is a rock-solid talent (though he's still working up the courage to rent Home Fries). The only sure skip is yet another moldy Jackie Chan re-release, Double Dragons, about -- get this -- TWO Jackie Chans! Hilarious. Stay home and rent Double Impact -- it's twice the VanDammage, after all. Or better yet, read a book.
It must be hard to play a decent game of chess with all these bombs going off, but Slobodan Milosevic is no patzer -- he's had the white pieces all along and now he's looking to checkmate NATO at the negotiating table. Time for Madeleine and the boys at State to start boning up on their Nimzo-Indian defense. Searching for Bobby Fischer (1993) is the best chess movie CP has ever seen (although the Russian wrestler from Kubrick's The Killing should have got a spin-off movie of his own). It's also about a player whose every contest is haunted by history. NATO knows about that -- it's searching for Munich and terrified of finding Vietnam instead.