Where Potatoes Dare

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As the unwinnable war dragged on, the laziest Serbs in Belgrade got treated to anti-NATO propaganda ("Wag the Dog" was on Serb TV last Friday). But for Americans, deprived of their Gulf War video tick-tock and left to worry about the three G.I.'s in Slobo's hands, there's not many movies depressing enough to capture this mess. So get positive! Where Eagles Dare (1969) has Richard Burton and Clint Eastwood swooping in to pluck an American general from a Nazi-held castle in the hills of WWII Austria. All the thrills that this crisis lacks, and a happy ending to boot. Because eagles may dare -- but NATO doesn't.

In honor of his country's strategic Goliath act, CP turns this week's Please Remain in Your Homes on its head. Please go out -- not, God almighty, for The Out-of-Towners, which was bad the first time they made it, but for The Matrix. CP has heard enough good things about this one to overcome his mortal fear of Keanu Reeves movies. Maybe. But it's better than staying home with Tron, which, for all its cachet as a cyber-kitsch special-effects pioneer, still has Bruce Boxleitner, and it hasn't aged well. But don't say I didn't warn you about man-of-duh Reeves.