This Preposterous Week! Paul Slansky's News Index

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Charles Rex Arbogast / AP

Former Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich arrives at federal court for his arraignment on federal racketeering and fraud charges in Chicago

American Idol
• it's beginning to look like Paula Abdul really isn't coming back to

Anderson, Pastor Steve
karma catches up with and smacks upside the head after vile preaching by — "I hate Barack Obama ... God wants me to hate Barack Obama ... God hates Barack Obama!" — prompts investigation into business practices of and things are found out about that could have tax consequences for

Archerd, Army
death of at the age of 87

Ashcroft, former Attorney General John
lawsuit can be filed against, according to a federal-appeals-court ruling, for the "repugnant" evidence-free preventive detention of American Muslims by

Bachmann, Representative Michele
• claim by that Democrats seek the defeat of in 2010 because they fear the possible ascension to the presidency of, rather than the more likely explanation that they're simply appalled by the relentless barrage of batty statements by

Big Food
laughable inclusion by of Froot Loops and other sugary cereals on "Smart Choices" list of ostensibly more nutritious items

Blagojevich, Rod
• compilation of amusing bits from the new book by means now you don't have to buy it, like you were ever going to
• highlight of appearance by on The View is guest host Meghan McCain — yep, her again — saying, "You definitely must feel like you didn't do anything wrong, I mean, to write a book and whatever, like, that's how secure you are that this is something else"

humiliating failure of to utter a peep of outrage at deranged parents opposed to schoolkids being addressed by the President of the United States unless he's reading them an upside-down book about a goat when he really has much more important things he should be tending to

Duvall, Michael
• unawareness of that cameras were capturing boastful descriptions by of simultaneous sexual escapades with two female lobbyists ("So, I am getting into spanking her. Yeah, I like it," to give just one printable example) leads to apology by ("I deeply regret the comments I made in what I believed to be a private conversation"), then to resignation by from the California Assembly (where, of course, family values had been staunchly espoused by) and then, since the law might look askance at trading votes for sex, to a ridiculous denial by ("My decision to resign is in no way an admission that I had an affair or affairs. My offense was engaging in inappropriate story-telling")

Jones, Van
• Glenn Beck gets revenge on

Letterman, David
better-than-Leno-ness of

mainstream media
• craven eagerness of to provide a forum for people absolutely out of their minds with hatred for President Obama

Melrose Place
• despite the repellent ad campaign for, Tuesday turns out, after all, not to be the new Humpday

Obama, President Barack
effectiveness of speech to Congress by, especially the last part

Palin, Sarah
dinner with is being auctioned off on eBay, where jet acquired by previous Alaska governor was claimed to have been sold by but actually wasn't
• letter to President Obama basically urging him to make sure Afghanistan becomes his Vietnam is co-signed by

Palm Beach Post
Onion-worthy headline — "Obama's Controversial Speech Urges Students to Wash Their Hands" — appears in

Schmidt, Representative Jean
• previous disavowal by of birther beliefs is belied by overheard restatement by of those very beliefs

Simpson, O.J.
• to the enormous dismay of, jail will be stayed in by

Stossel, John
• departure of from ABC means now you'll have to watch Fox News to experience the insufferability of

Sullivan, Andrew
• George W. Bush is begged by "to take full responsibility" for the "systematic abuse and torture under your Administration" and to "apologize for their scope and brutality", but don't hold your breath

Supreme Court
more damage to the American electoral system is about to be done by

Taitz, Orly
further "proof" that Obama was born in Kenya is presented by

• school district in that refused to broadcast President Obama's message is busing students off campus to hear a speech by George W. Bush

Vitter, Senator David
• observation by that "character is displayed in a variety of different ways", and not solely by the decision to commit adultery with prostitutes

Whicker, Mark
review by of sports events missed by Jaycee Lee Dugard while she was held captive for 18 years and repeatedly raped by a madman is widely believed to be the worst sports column ever written and is, of course, apologized for by

Wilson, Representative Joe
• astonishing outburst by leads people who've never heard of before to donate upwards of $450,000 to upcoming opponent of
George Stephanopoulos feels compelled to justify outburst of by pointing out that President Obama used the word lie too
Nancy Pelosi's reaction to outburst of is enhanced for maximum amusement