Former U.S. President Bill Clinton attends a news conference in New York
American Psychological Association
• conclusion of that therapeutic efforts — or even extreme measures like exorcisms — to change people's sexual orientation from gay to straight (the only kind of change there seems to be much demand for) don't work
At the Movies
• Ben (I Am Legend is "one of the greatest movies ever made") Lyons and Ben (never said anything quite that stupid, at least not on the show) Mankiewicz are fired as co-hosts of
Barrett, Justin
• lawsuit is filed by against the Boston Police Department (and the police commissioner and mayor) demanding compensation for the "pain and suffering; mental anguish; emotional distress; posttraumatic stress; sleeplessness; indignities and embarrassment; degradation; injury to reputation; and restrictions on personal freedom" endured by as a result of the suspension and threatened termination of for sending an e-mail renowned for its racism but insufficiently recognized for its misogyny and illiteracy
Beck, Glenn
• fans of are urged by not to vent their frustrations by going out and killing a bunch of people because it would be very bad for Republicans
Chirac, Jacques
• 2003 phone call is recounted by in which George W. Bush said "Gog and Magog are at work in the Middle East" and the only way to keep the biblical prophecies of the Apocalypse from being fulfilled was to invade Iraq
Church of Scientology
• more defectors from tell more horror stories about
• response by to horror stories told by defectors from
• ridiculous fashion statement is mandated by for global staffers of, possibly leading to more defectors from
Clinton, Bill
• two American journalists are freed from North Korean jail thanks to the diplomatic efforts of, which, of course, greatly upsets the ultimate undiplomat John Bolton and the nasty little troll Dick Morris
Fox News
• ignorance of just exactly where some of those Middle Eastern countries are, anyway, is hilariously displayed by
Fromme, Lynette (Squeaky)
• imminent parole of is announced — of all times — mere days before the 40th anniversary of the Manson murders
health-care reform
• town-hall meetings about are disrupted by angry mobs funded by corporations determined to prevent
Hughes, John
• death of at the age of 59
Jefferson, William
• conviction of on 11 corruption charges
Liasson, Mara
• absurd comparison by of the minimally glitch-ridden but definitely successful cash-for-clunkers program to the unprecedentedly disastrous government response to Hurricane Katrina
Murdoch, Rupert
• posting of $3.4 billion loss by News Corp. prompts announcement by of intention of to charge for all online content controlled by
Obama, President Barack
• problems with alleged Kenyan birth certificate of
O'Neal, Ryan
• the very definition of too much information — "I had just put [Farrah Fawcett's] casket in the hearse and was watching it drive away when a beautiful blonde woman comes up and embraces me. I said to her, 'You have a drink on you? You have a car?' She said, 'Daddy, it's me — Tatum!'" — is volunteered to Vanity Fair by
Palin, quitter Sarah
• report of imminent divorce of is followed by obligatory unconvincing denial by spokeswoman for, which is followed by uncarried-out threat against blogger by lawyer for, which is followed by another perfunctory unconvincing denial by
Prince, Erik
• extremely serious allegations are made about
Radio Shack
• attempted rebranding of as "The Shack" provides excellent excuse to revisit two-year-old Onion article mocking
Ratigan, Dylan
• belief of that it would be hilarious to embarrass unsuspecting guest Jonathan Capehart by broadcasting footage of him gobbling down a bagel in the few moments he had to eat before appearing on the MSNBC show of is not shared by Capehart's mother Margaret, who calls in two days later to read the riot act — "My son is not a clown, O.K.? ... he's not a clown, he's not a kid at a birthday party where you take pictures and show the family, you know; this is national TV, and I really didn't appreciate it, and it really pissed me off" — to
Schulberg, Budd
• death of at the age of 95
Stanley, Alessandra
• public humiliation of — "a television critic with a history of errors [who] wrote hastily and failed to double-check her work" — by New York Times ombudsman aghast at the number of errors in Cronkite appraisal dashed off by
Taitz, Orly
• lunatic beliefs of
• MSNBC meltdown of
Washington Post
• Mouthpiece Theater, an attempt at humor as lame and unfunny as anything that has ever existed on the Internet, is mercy-killed by, but not before being brilliantly and brutally savaged
Wolffe, Richard
• multiplicity of conflicts of interests of
Woods, Tiger
• alleged fairway fart by