This Preposterous Week! Paul Slansky's News Index

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Glenn Beck

Bachmann, Representative Michele
anti-census legislation is introduced by

Beck, Glenn
• outrage of that, "as our country burns to the ground," no questions were asked of Sotomayor at her confirmation hearings on Monday (since, despite the howling ignorance of, questioning was scheduled to — and, indeed, did — begin on Tuesday)
• phone call from listener to unleashes shrieking lunacy of

Brooks, David
• coyness of in not revealing which Republican Senator once groped the inner thigh of

Brownback, Senator Sam
• legislation is proposed by to ban the creation of "part-human, part-animal creatures, which are created in laboratories, and blur the line between the species," because this — not the economy, or health care, or education — is what's really important

Buchanan, Pat
discrimination against white males is decried by

Courtney, Representative Joe
• colleagues of are challenged by to explain just why they feel justified in denying to unelected Americans the same public-health-insurance option they as members of Congress are entitled to

Jackson, Michael
• likely 50-year-old visage of had face of not been subjected to endless resculpting
• 1984 ignition of head of
• unquenchable desire of public to read bound drivel about will be met

McCain, Senator John
• ridiculous defense of Sarah Palin by — a five-minute barrage of blather clearly not believed by and including the Bartlett's-worthy quote "I don't think she quit, I think she changed her priorities" — leaves viewers wondering if it's possible for a politician to fall further from grace than

• anchors on distance themselves from Pat Buchanan's suggestion that Todd Palin drown Levi Johnston, and then later the same day other anchors on apologize for guest's blurt of the term blow job

Muszynski, Josh
• dismay of after checking bank account online and finding that use of debit card by to purchase a pack of cigarettes resulted in a charge of more than $23 quadrillion

• original Apollo 11 moonwalk footage was accidentally erased by

Nelson, Summer
Mary Kay LeTourneau impression is performed by

Obama, President Barack
• Fox News can't stop reporting false story about ogling of teenager by
• NAACP is passionately addressed by
• shattering of teleprompter of
"sissy pitch" by at All-Star Game is compared by desperate right-wing Web sites to 2001 World Series strike by George W. Bush as yet more evidence, in case the recent sissy request by for Dijon mustard wasn't enough, that we were oh so much better off with a manly man like Bush in the White House

• pamphlet by Britain's National Health Service redundantly advises teens of the enjoyability of

Palin, one-more-week-of-being Governor Sarah
• description of by Mike Murphy as "the political train wreck that keeps on giving"
• description of by Peggy Noonan as "the most careless sower of discord since George W. Bush"
• description of by Thomas Frank as "a collector of grievances. She runs for high office by griping"
• just plain weirdness of
mutual love of firearms of Ted Nugent and
Op-Ed piece is "written by" warning about the dangers of the Obama energy plan previously supported by
thinning hair of
tweets about bears of

Perry, Governor Rick
creationist is chosen by to run Texas Board of Education

Pickering, Chip
estranged wife of charges that chance to run for Senate seat was turned down by in order to stay with mistress of

Sessions, Senator Jeff
• self is made a fool of by

Shay, Audra
election of as head of the Young Republicans despite — oh, who are we kidding here, thanks to — blatant racism of

Sotomayor, Sonia
pretense of there actually being anything at stake — as if the confirmation of was not a foregone conclusion — results in hostile questions being obligatorily asked of by Republicans and answered by in as unrevealing a manner as possible with endless blather about "fidelity to the law," while Senators find themselves endlessly repeating umpiring metaphor to, and surely you think that's already way more than you want to hear about this, but wait, here's Jon Stewart's take on

Steele, Michael
joke about blacks and fried chicken is made by in answer to question about how "diverse populations" will be enticed to join racism-tainted party headed by
unfortunate new website of party headed by

Trump, Donald
alleged delight of at engagement of daughter of to son of another distasteful real estate tycoon
lawsuit of against author who claimed actual worth of is a fraction of the billions endlessly and nauseatingly boasted about by is thrown out of court
• reference to in new book by Kurt Andersen as "a clownish reality-show artifact" is not appreciated by

Walters, Barbara
Brüno was decidedly not enjoyed by

Washington Post
• ombudsman for gives a good smack upside the head to

Zeo, Heather
Mary Kay LeTourneau impression is performed by