This Preposterous Week! Paul Slansky's News Index

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Tim Dominick / The State / REuters / Corbis

South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford pauses as he speaks to the media about his secret trip to Buenos Aires, Argentina and admits to an extramarital affair at the State House in Columbia, South Carolina June 24, 2009.

Academy Awards
doubling of number of Best Picture nominees for

Anderson, Chris
Wikipedia is liberally ripped off in new book by

Bachmann, Representative Michele
• warning by that, though "I'm not saying that's what the Administration is planning to do," Obama could use census-gathered data to put people in concentration camps

Brooks, Joseph
ads posted by on Craigslist saying an "Oscar award-winning composer" (for the execrable You Light Up My Life) is looking for a girl between 18 and 22 with a "new face" leads to 82 charges against, including 11 rapes

Buchanan, Pat
• Republican conference proposing support of English-only initiatives as a way to attract blue-collar Democrats is co-hosted by, along with white nationalist Peter Brimelow, under a banner with the word conference spelled conferenece

• French government plans to establish a commission to look into the possibility of banning the public wearing of

Davis, State Representative Cynthia
• unhappiness of with summer food giveaways to low-income Missouri kids because "hunger can be a positive motivator"

Ensign, Senator John
• letter complaining about cuckolding by — "Please help me! This should not be how the leadership of our country should be allowed to behave" — was e-mailed to Fox News anchorwoman by husband of mistress of the day before the public confession of

Fawcett, Farrah
• death of Ed McMahon is instantly upstaged by long-expected death of

people on the government's terrorist-watch list can be prevented from boarding planes or securing visas but apparently cannot be stopped from purchasing explosives or

Hodgman, John
nerdiness and geekdom are amusingly extolled by

Jackson, Michael
• death of Farrah Fawcett is instantly upstaged by the sudden, though decidedly unsurprising, death of — a death that, according to aides to, followed an injection of Demerol
• music of finally starts selling again

Justice Department
• beyond-ludicrous explanation by Jeffrey Smith, a lawyer for, that refusal of to release information on the FBI interview with Dick Cheney regarding the Valerie Plame–CIA leak is connected to concern that future government officials might refuse to cooperate with criminal investigations if they think what they say could open them up to ridicule ("I don't want a future Vice President to say, "I'm not going to cooperate with you because I don't want to be fodder for The Daily Show")

McBride, Jessica
glowing magazine profile of Milwaukee police chief by neglects to mention concurrent extramarital affair with

Nixon, Richard M.
154 new hours of taped conversations with — the most reliable source of comedy in the history of the English language — are released, featuring such gems as the awareness of that abortion is sometimes necessary (like "when you have a black and a white"); the opinion of that the problem with Jews "may be they have a death wish. You know that's been the problem with our Jewish friends for centuries," and the suggestion by that Republicans should find attractive female candidates ("Understand, I don't do it because I'm for women, but I'm doing it because I think maybe a woman might win someplace where a man might not")

Obama, President Barack
• ongoing media obsession with occasional cigarette-smoking by is perpetuated by reporter unashamed to reveal herself as so devoid of any journalistic responsibility that this insipid subject is all she can think to ask about

Onion, The
cause of Air France disaster is determined by

Paul, Representative Ron
single vote against a benign resolution "expressing support for all Iranian citizens who embrace the values of freedom, human rights, civil liberties, and rule of law" is cast by

Sanford, Governor Mark
• hiking the Appalachian Trail is first offered by spokesman for as explanation for mysterious days-long absence of ("He's an avid outdoorsman. Nobody's ever accused our governor of being conventional"), except then the car of is found parked at the airport because it turns out the location of was actually Argentina, where an e-mail-fueled affair was being sadly broken off by in Buenos Aires, so, to sum up, another week, another would-be 2012 Republican presidential candidacy in self-induced shambles, though of course — OOPS! — Fox News initially put a (D) after the name of
Obama is blamed by Rush Limbaugh for the indiscretions of because ... because ... well, isn't EVERYTHING Obama's fault?

• thousands and thousands of words about the spectacularly creepy leader of

Steele, Michael
• realization by of the utter simplicity of solving the health-care crisis ("If it's a cost problem, it's easy: Get the people in a room who have the most and the most direct impact on cost, and do the deal. Do the deal. It's not that complicated. If it's an access question, people don't have access to health care, then figure out who they are and give them access! Hello?! Am I missing something here?")

Turner, Hal
• arrest of for posting the photos and addresses of three Chicago judges who upheld handgun bans, along with statements like "These judges deserve to be killed" and "Behold these devils"

Voting Rights Act
challenge to is sidestepped by the Supreme Court, though opinion favoring the overturning of is voiced by a single Justice, dubbed by Wonkette "Uncle Thomas"

Walters, Barbara
breasts of are almost flashed to airport employees by after lack of T shirt or bra is forgotten by

Wurzelbacher, Sam (Joe the Plumber)
• declaration by that the U.S. "has been great for over 180 years," though mid-1820s event that brought on the greatness goes unnamed by