American Life League
warnings by that you could die from using birth control pills
AT&T
loathing of iPhone users for
automobiles
utter lack of knowledge about "I don't know anything about cars" of incoming General Motors chairman
Beck, Glenn
horrific dolphin impression of
Burkle, Ron
salacious details about
Bush, George H. W.
bikini-clad young woman plops in lap of, after which speedo-sporting young man sidles up to wife of
Cheney, Dick
catalogue of damage done by
Cheney, Liz
opinion of that Obama's refusal to go to other countries and declare that "America is the best nation that ever existed in history, and clearly that exists today" in other words, to travel the world thumbing his nose at other people and telling them they suck compared to us is "troubling to Americans," or at least to this one American
ridiculous ubiquity of
Colbert, Stephen
self is debated by about "Don't Ask, Don't Tell"
cows
problematic burps of
Department of Homeland Security
prescience of in predicting right-wing violence is followed by failure of to actually release the report containing said predictions because, boo-hoo, some right-wing groups didn't like it
right-wing extremism report of is mocked by right-wing extremist group
Doherty, Pete
arrest of after being found slumped on a toilet on a British Airways flight on which a hypodermic needle was also found, followed by arrest of for driving erratically in a car in which drugs were found, puts in perspective recent claims by of being "mostly clean"
Dowd, Maureen
defense of Obama's leisure activities by in a column that also contains a devastating one-sentence summation of Bush's ignorance, arrogance and incompetence gets Karl Rove's dander up
Gosselin, Mady
complaint of thirst to mother of results in stunning spectacle of said mother procuring a bottle of water, drinking some herself, and recapping the bottle without offering any to
mattress
daughter's gift of new one to mother in Tel Aviv is unhappy surprise, as discarded old one contained life savings of nearly $1 million
Murray, Daniel James
arrest of after closing out bank account and announcing to teller, "We are on a mission to kill the President of the United States"
National Review
Sotomayor is depicted on cover of as because to these morons anyone non-white is interchangeably other an Asian-eyed Buddha
New York Times
The Daily Show pays a hilarious visit to
The Onion
J.D. Salinger's obsession with Terminator films is reported by
Palin, Sarah
citing of by less than 0.5% of Gallup poll respondents to question of who speaks for the Republican Party, which translates to four at most out of 1,015
David Letterman is attacked by for admittedly tasteless joke about daughter of after being attacked by for referring to the "slutty flight attendant look" of
slutty flight attendant toenails of
Prejean, Carrie
sudden former Miss Californianess of
Sotomayor, Sonia
"racist" labeling of by Gingrich is amended the proper epithet for is "racialist"
self-imposed hobbling of
Spector, Phil
wall of scalp of
Summers, Larry
popularity oh, no, sorry extreme unpopularity of
Supreme Court
refusal of to be asked or told about "Don't Ask, Don't Tell"
TV
millions of households but mainly ones with poor, elderly or handicapped people living in them, so sponsors won't care that much will suddenly not be able to watch
von Brunn, James W.
first six chapters of book by reveal antipathy toward Jews of
Holocaust Museum murder oops, sorry, alleged murder by is condemned by fellow white supremacist because "it makes us look bad"
Weller, Robert J.
racist e-mails are sent out by, and really, don't get all piously P.C. about it because "I didn't do anything other than what everybody else in the world does. The president of the school board is no more holy than a minister, and a minister probably sends a lot more stuff than I do. These are just jokes"
Wright, Jeremiah
falling out with Obama of is blamed by on "them Jews"