This Preposterous Week! Paul Slansky's News Index

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Susan Boyle

Baldwin, Paul
•release from prison of after serving one-year term for stealing a can of beer is quickly followed by another arrest of — the 153rd — for assault

Baron Cohen, Sacha
•Eminem's face is landed on by bare butt of during MTV Movie Awards, leading to days of babble about whether or not the stunt had in fact been planned, which — DUH! — it had

Berlin, Alan David
•firing of from position as aide to Pennsylvania state senator famous for being tough on sex crimes after arrest of for propositioning a 15-year-old boy on the Internet and discussing having sex with him while wearing animal costumes

Blagojevich, Patti
tarantulas are dined on by

Boyle, Susan
•loss of in Britain's Got Talent finals is not taken well by

Breaking Bad
•airing of brilliant season finale of — ending with plane crash over Albuquerque — coincides with plunge of Air France jet into the Atlantic

Carradine, David
•details of the passing of are apparently not for the squeamish

Cheney, Dick
blame for 9/11 is placed by on Richard Clarke, who repeatedly (and as recently as one week prior to it) warned about the danger of such an attack

Cheney, Liz
•absurdly Orwellian insistence of that father of never sought to link Iraq to 9/11

Coleman, Norm
•imminent surrender of

Epstein, Marcus
•2007 assault on African-American woman — he stopped her on a Washington, D.C. street, uttered a racial slur, and karate-chopped her head — is pleaded guilty to by

Gallup
shocking poll by reveals that "Republican base heavily white, conservative, religious" and "Democrats are more likely to be moderate or liberal, Hispanic, or black or other races"

Gibson, Mel
•church meltdown of

Jackson, Michael
rage of

Jones, Diann
•email reference by to the White House as "the black house"

Kristol, Bill
•opinion of, shared by Brit Hume, that "it might be worth doing some targeted air strikes" against North Korea

Lambert, Adam
•closet that no sentient being ever believed to have been occupied by is nonetheless apparently about to be ostentatiously emerged from by

Leno, Jay
•nation is forced to endure 15 weeks without the toothless comedy of

Liddy, G. Gordon
ignorance of female biology of — in particular, the usual timing of the onset of, and impact of, menopause — is proudly displayed by

Madoff, Bernard
•sons of are upset with

nuclear sites
•document containing detailed information about hundreds of around the country is erroneously published by federal government

Obama, President Barack
•assassination of is encouraged in personal ad that ran in, and was quickly apologized for, by Pennsylvania's Warren Times Observer

•big deal is once again made about the public ordering and consumption of beef by, leaving observers to wonder how many times this has to happen before it receives as little notice as space launches

•Cairo speech goes unappreciated by Fox News anchors

•Cairo speech of is summed up by Liz Cheney as demonstrating eagerness of to deal with terrorists by "sort of hand-holding"

•excursion of to New York for dinner and a Broadway show is idiotically attacked as financially wasteful by Republican National Committee, which, if memory serves, registered no public concern about the cost to the public of George W. Bush's 77 jaunts to the Texas boonies where he cut lots of brush, ran around and rode bikes in sweltering heat, and ignored various warnings of impending disasters

Olbermann, Keith
•sanctimonious self-righteousness of is undercut by complicity of in promoting Mancow's waterboarding despite knowledge of that it was, in reality, a mere cheap stunt

O'Reilly, Bill
•claims by that past references of to George Tiller as "the baby killer" only reported what others were calling him are outright lies

real victim in George Tiller murder turns out to be

Radnich, Gary
•sports scores are delivered on TV by while blood drips onto the shirt of

Salinger, J.D.
•legal proceedings are initiated by to prevent publication of unauthorized sequel to famous popular-with-assassins novel by

Scientology, Church of
•members of are banned by Wikipedia from editing any articles on the site because of their propensity to put a self-servingly positive spin on

Sessions, Sen. Jeff
•tears of 12-year-old boy facing prospect of his mother being deported elicits decidedly unsympathetic reaction — "Enough with the histrionics" — from

Spector, Phil
•last public appearance of in a crazy fright-wig until at least 2028

suicide
commission of by 11 reality show participants

•rate of may be increasing because of the economy, but it'll be years before we can be sure

•ridiculous Marilyn Manson says he'd commit if he "had the integrity," but if he did, he'd kill "a hundred other people" first

Taylor, Koko
passing of

Terry, Randall
•brutal segue by

Tiller, George
•accused killer of complains of "being treated as a criminal"