Paul Slansky's Weekly Index of the News

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F. Micelotta / Getty for Fox / American Idol 2009

Abdul, Paula
•a fool is made of by Sacha Baron Cohen during filming of Bruno

Arthur, Bea
passing of

Bachmann, Rep. Michele
•interesting coincidence is noted by — "I find it interesting that it was back in the 1970s that the swine flu broke out then under another Democrat President, Jimmy Carter. And I'm not blaming this on President Obama, I just think it's an interesting coincidence" — though interestingness of it is significantly mitigated by the inconvenient fact that the '70s swine flu outbreak occurred under Republican President Gerald Ford

•Smoot-Hawley tariff bill signed by President Herbert Hoover is attributed by to President Franklin Roosevelt and — oh, yes — referred to by as the "Hoot-Smalley" bill

Better Off Ted
•second pre-emption of by an Obama press conference prompts brilliantly satirical response by the producers of that you won't fully appreciate unless you're watching the show, which you're probably not but definitely should be

Broder, David
•unignorable terribleness of

Bulatovic, Zoran
•unpaid wages by Serbian factory owners are dramatically protested by the severing (by hacksaw) and subsequent devouring of own finger by

Caldera, Louis E.
•apology for approval by of terrifying buzzing of lower Manhattan by Air Force One back-up plane is issued by following conveyance to of fury of Obama at

Christ, Jesus
•proposed appearance of on Florida license plates being crucified in front of either the sun or an orange is defended — "If they don't want one they don't have to buy one" — by Governor Charlie Crist

Colbert, Stephen
•Ohio State University study reveals that satire of is lost on many conservatives who are unaware that they're being witheringly mocked by

Dylan, Bob
•33rd studio album is released — and discussed at length — by

"fleeting expletives"
•FCC ban on is upheld by Scalia-led Supreme Court majority

Foxx, Rep. Virginia
•notion that Matthew Shepard was murdered for being gay is exposed by as a "hoax that continues to be used as an excuse for passing" hate crimes legislation

Inhofe, Sen. Jim
•2010 Republican landslide is preposterously predicted by

Markoff, Phillip
dumping of by fiancèe who apparently has had second thoughts about becoming Mrs. Alleged Craigslist Killer

McGillis, Kelly
•confirmation by of widely believed gayness of

Obama, President Barack
first 100 days in office of — perhaps you've heard something about that anniversary — are chronicled, sometimes amusingly

fourth prime time press conference of

Palin, Governor Sarah
•commencement of tweeting by is instantly employed by to complain about the staff of having been "gravely misquoted"

Penn, Mark
trashing of by James Carville for mismanagement of Hillary Clinton campaign by

Perez, Deborah
•claims of to be the daughter of the Zodiac killer

discontinuation of by General Motors

folding of by Conde Nast

Republican party
•approval of less than one-fourth of Americans of, and identification with of one-fifth of Americans

•observation is made by Obama that "simply opposing our approach on every front is probably not a good political strategy" for, and that "I can't sort of define bipartisanship as simply being willing to accept certain theories of theirs that we tried for eight years and didn't work"

•regaining of status of "as a national party" in 2010 is predicted by Sen. John Cornyn, implying that said status is unpossessed by currently

scare tactics are tediously trotted out yet again by

Rodriguez, Alex
•use of steroids by leads to bestowing of amusing nickname on by New York teammates of

Slye, Erik
•failed efforts to avoid jury duty of

Souter, Justice David
•imminent retirement of

Specter, Sen. Arlen
blatant opportunism of is portrayed as somehow principled, and much is made of fabulous new Democratic advantage when in fact absolutely nothing has changed regarding votes of and, if anything, the chance for a real Democrat to win the seat of has now been eliminated — brilliant strategy, Biden and Reid!

swine flu
•danger to humans of turns out to be far less than danger to pigs of

•efforts of Obama to calm the citizenry about (since, after all, there have only been about 110 cases of, and one — count it! — one death from in a nation of 300 million) are compromised by dire warnings issuing from carelessly flapping Biden lips

•illegal immigrant Mexican terrorists are blamed by rightwing nuts for arrival in U.S. of

•World Health Organization changes name of to the H1N1 influenza A — yeah, that'll catch on with headline writers

York, Byron
•Obama's high approval ratings are dismissed by as merely the result of lots of blacks liking him, making his positions seem "more popular overall than they actually are" — that is, more popular among all people than they actually are among the only people who really count, white ones