Paul Slansky's Weekly Index of the News

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Michael Caulfield / WireImage / Getty

Glenn Beck

Beck, Glenn
inappropriately respectful front page New York Times profile of is more than made up for by Stephen Colbert's evisceration of

Begich, Sen. Mark
•resignation of to give poor Ted Stevens a chance to maybe win back his seat now that corruption charges against him have been dropped because of prosecutorial misconduct is ... well, let's just call it unlikely

Blagojevich, Rod
•disinclination of to interrupt vacationing by at Disney World to discuss indictment of with reporters

•NBC affiliate in has no interest in running Jay Leno in prime time

Cafferty, Jack
•silly hat worn by G-20 protester evokes sillier rage in

employment contracts
•current meaninglessness of

final episode of

G-20 summit
•affectionate touching by Michelle Obama of Queen Elizabeth's back somehow manages to become the big story of

ghost tweeters
•existence of is revealed, to which anyone with half a brain can only say, "Duh!"

Gingrich, Newt
•conversion to Catholicism of despite there being two ugly divorces under the belt of

Grassley, Sen. Chuck
•joke implying that sex was had by with the wife of a fellow senator is lamely offered by

Guiding Light
•announcement of cancellation of (after 72-year radio and TV run) surprises millions who thought it went off ages ago

Huckabee, Mike
voter suppression tactics are suggested by

Inhofe, Sen. James
•doubtfulness of that global warming "really exists" is validated for by the fact that Oklahoma "had the largest snowstorm in the history of Marches three days ago"

Klavan, Andrew
•absurd contention of that Rush Limbaugh is not a vile, hate-spewing ignoramus — "I have never heard the man utter a single racist, hateful or stupid word" — but is actually "raucously funny and wise" and that anyone who fails to appreciate this "has never actually listened to the man," and is "a lowdown, yellow-bellied, lily-livered intellectual coward" who is "terrified of finding out he makes more sense than you do"

Limbaugh, Rush
•ten utterances by that are notable not for being raucously funny or wise but rather for being stupid and/or hateful and/or racist.

Madoff, Bernard
•nice things are taken away from

•world is again reminded of ongoing obnoxiousness of

McCain, Meghan
•Illinois "congressman-turned-TMZ-hottie" Aaron Schock is gushed over by

Miss Universe
•visit to "Guantanamo !!!" is blogged about — "We visited the Detainees camps and we saw the jails, where they shower, how they recreate themselves with movies, classes of art, books. It was very interesting. ... The water in Guantanamo Bay is soooo beautiful!" — by

NYPD horse
•automobile of intoxicated TV news reporter Michael Sheehan collides with

Obama, President Barack
•blame for financial crisis is not placed on by 60 percent of poll respondents who remember that the collapse of the economy occurred before the election of and thus can hardly be the fault of

•gift of video iPod by to Queen Elizabeth is treated by hysterical U.S. media as some kind of earth-shattering gaffe, as if the fabulous gift presented by the Queen — a silver-framed photo of the Royal couple — demanded something so much better in return

O'Reilly, Bill
•dire warning by that, unless the prime minister of Spain condemns the possible investigation by a Spanish court of several Bush administration officials for war crimes, "I am not goin' to that country"

•guest appearance of on The Late Show with David Letterman is notable for observation of host to that "I think of you as a goon"

lack of acclaim for return to TV of

•outbreak of in peanuts is followed by outbreak of in pistachios

Spelling, Candy
•placing on market by of $150 million domicile of

Wagoner, Rick
$20 million retirement package of

Wilkinson, Kendra
entrepreneurship of

Wurzelbacher, Joe the Plumber
•admission by of not having read the Employee Free Choice Act, which legislation is being vigorously campaigned against by, and annoyance of — "Drop it, brother, drop it. I never said I was an expert, man" — at union members who point out the staggering ignorance of and shout "Rat! Rat! Rat!" at