Former Vice President Dick Cheney
AIG Financial Products
• name of is changed to AIU Holdings, Ltd, as if that will in any way minimize public loathing of
Andy Richter Controls the Universe
• DVD of is finally available
Bachmann, Rep. Michele
• desire of for Minnesotans to be "armed and dangerous on this issue of the energy tax because we need to fight back" is expressed by
• legislation is proposed by to retain the dollar as U.S. currency in the face of not even the most infinitesimal suggestion from anyone to replace it with anything else
Blender
• folding of
Boehner, Rep. John
• "alternative budget" — devoid of any numbers beyond a gargantuan tax cut for, yes, the wealthy — is presented by
Bruce, Tammy
• Michelle Obama is called "trash" by
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
• annual average of 86,629 emergency room visits as a result of falls caused by pets or pet-related objects is reported by
Cheney, Dick
• fervent desire by House Republicans for the shutting up already of
CNN
• report about a Florida 15-year-old emitting a stinky fart on a school bus is considered news by
Crespo, Elvis
• response to claims by female seatmate of that in-flight masturbation was engaged in by en route to Miami from Houston — "I don't recall doing that" — is offered by
DeSantis, Jake
• self is distanced from AIG by
Frank, Rep. Barney
• Antonin Scalia is referred to as "that homophobe" by
Jindal, Gov. Bobby
• anti-volcano-monitoring stance of looks even stupider after repeated eruptions of Alaska's Mount Redoubt
KXNO
• profanity-drenched argument between two sports broadcasters is inadvertently broadcast by
Lauer, Matt
• bicycle of is flown off of by, resulting in separated shoulder of, after encounter of with unexpected deer
Letterman, David
• wedding of is announced by
Medicaid
• unawareness of Texas state Rep. Gary Elkins — a duly elected official — as to, well, what it even is
Monserrate, Hiram
• indictment of on six domestic assault charges in connection with slashing by of girlfriend's face with broken glass
Moten, Donald
• accusations against that, during tenure of as Dallas high school principal, feuding students were sent by to settle things via bare-knuckle fistfights in steel cages, are denied by
Obama, President Barack
• laughter of during 60 Minutes interview somehow manages to become a big news story
• opinion of that Geithner is doing a heck of a job
• use of teleprompter at press conference by somehow manages to become a big news story
Onion, The
• too-slow pace of everything is noted by
O'Reilly, Bill
• producer for is sent by to ambush blogger who dared to be critical of
Palin, Gov. Sarah
• continuing complaints about ethics of lead to incurring of more than $500,000 in legal bills by
• inability of to find someone on the McCain campaign worthy of sharing a prayer with
Pattinson, Robert
• reeking of
snark
• New York Times wants all of its blogs to avoid "any hint of"
Specter, Sen. Arlen
• labor vote is forfeited by
Steele, Michael
• possibility of presidential race by if approval of God is perceived by
Zucker, Jeff
• bleak assessment — "I don't think we'll ever be able to say, 'NBC is Number One in prime time" — of future of network led by is offered by