Paul Slansky's Weekly Index of the News

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Anne Coulter

Bachmann, Rep. Michele
• previously unrecognized economic theory of "punctuated equilibrium" is espoused by

Bunning, Sen. Jim
• Republican opposition to re-election efforts of reportedly prompts threat — "I would get the last laugh. Don't forget Kentucky has a Democrat governor" — to resign by

destruction of unpleasant interrogation tapes by

Coulter, Ann
• badness of for Republican party is disputed by

Daily Show, The
CNBC's financial advice is mercilessly shredded by

Edwards, John
National Enquirer again fails to endear itself to

lots of new music is coming from

Finke, Nikki
• feud of with fellow Hollywood blogger Sharon Waxman attracts too much attention, which is to say, any

Fox News
• horrible Homer Simpson impressions are offered by Fox and Friends hosts on
• poll by gets results undesired by, despite featuring in of wildly biased questions

Goodman, Latreasa
• refusal of McDonald's employee to refund money to even though the store was out of the item desired by (Chicken McNuggets) prompts a series of calls to 911 by

Harvey, Paul
passing of

health care reform
• anecdote that crystallizes the shrieking need for
• antipathy toward of hilariously named Republican congressman Zach Wamp is displayed in intense rant that reaches its crescendo with declaration that "health care is a privilege"
support for Obama's efforts toward by many who thwarted Clinton efforts toward

• self-proclamation of as "Republican rapper" turns out, as expected, to be an oxymoron

Huntsman, Gov. Jon
• need for Republican party to rethink itself — "You cannot succeed being a party of the South and a couple of western states. It ... isn't long-term sustainable" (or, really, even, these days, short-term sustainable) — is expressed by

Jackson, Michael
shudder-worthy photos of are taken during inevitably weird announcement of live performances in London by

Jindal, Gov. Bobby
• story told by about having been in sheriff's office "during Katrina" and witnessing bureaucratic asininity turns out to be, well, let's call it embellished

Krohn, 13-year-old Jonathan
standing ovation at Conservative Political Action Conference is received by

Limbaugh, Rush
groveling at the feet of by penitent Republicans is mocked by enemies of
• preference of for country of going down in flames rather than political philosophy of being proven erroneous is expressed quite emphatically by
• reference by Paul Begala to as "the bloated face and drug-addled voice of the Republican party"
• rooting of for planet to explode

McCain, Sen. John
• continued disdain for "earmarks" of

McCain, Meghan
• post-election dating difficulties of

Obama, Michelle
sleevelessness of

Obama, President Barack
failure of is hoped for by Tom DeLay
• failure of is hoped for by Rick Santorum
• failure of is really really REALLY hoped for by Rush Limbaugh
• failure of to name Howard Dean as Secretary of Health and Human Services disappoints Howard Dean
graying of
• medical marijuana distributors will not be raided by federal government headed by
• poll reveals that "African Americans are significantly less likely than whites" to be amused by jokes about race of
• predecessor of continues to be properly dissed by

Palin, Gov. Sarah
• a mere 13% of the vote — the exact same amount won by Ron Paul — is won by in Conservative Political Action Conference presidential straw poll (and if these folks don't want her, who does?)

Paradiso, David
• trial of for murder of girlfriend of is rendered moot by shooting to death by police detective of after stabbing of judge by despite the fact that jailers of were warned that weapon was possessed by

Pelosi, Rep. Nancy
• Brad Pitt is fawned over by

Phoenix, Keith
• failure of to comprehend impact of commission of hate-crime by — "So I killed someone — that makes me a bad guy?" — on public opinion of

• affinity of conservatives for

Redstone, 85-year-old Sumner
• representative for confirms interest of in six-decades-younger flight attendant

Rove, Karl
• desire of "some Democrats" to "have me barbecued" is observed by

Spinal Tap
• "Unwigged & Unplugged" tour of

• continued plummeting of

truth commission
• determination of many senators not to have, 'cause, you know, it would really be a mess

Wallace, David Foster
unfinished novel of

Wurzelbacher, Joe
• inability of to ply trade of — "I can no longer actually work as a plumber ... I show up to your house. Say you lean way left ... You don't like my politics. You sit there and say, 'Joe the Plumber overcharged me, Joe the Plumber broke this.' That makes national news ... I've spoken to some of my plumbing buddies in town and no one really wants to touch me right now" — is deemed by to be the fault of Ohio officials because ... because ... wait, there is no because