Al-Qaida leader Osama bin Laden
Bachmann, Rep. Michele
• concern of that "we're running out of rich people in this country"
bin Laden, Osama
• terrorism of is blamed by Scientologist Dave Figueroa on diabolical psychiatrists
Boozman, Rep. John
• complaint of that stimulus bill is "not light reading, it's difficult reading, it involves policy and things" so "right now, because of those things, I will probably vote against it"
Burris, Sen. Roland
• possible — no, actually, probable — perjury by
Bush, George W.
• post-White House life of
Cheney, Dick
• refusal of Bush to pardon goofily nicknamed underling of evokes huge furiousness in
• refusal of to just shut up already annoys David Axelrod
Delonas, Sean
• rapier wit of
• still more examples of rapier wit of
Dupre, Ashley
• efforts of to segue into polite society are hampered by public memory that fame of is based on hooker career of
Fisher, Amy
• intention of to defy notion that there are no second acts in American lives by embarking on career involving a stripping pole
Gibson, Mel
• funny facial hair of
Gillibrand, Sen. Kirsten
• guns previously kept under the bed for security by are moved to undisclosed location by because, according to the spokesman for, "the location of the guns has been disclosed"
Hassan, Muzzammil
• efforts of to counter stereotyping of Muslims suffers setback after alleged beheading of wife by
Herold, Sandra
• inadvisability of keeping 200-pound chimp as house pet is vividly demonstrated to, though, astonishingly, given the horror of the scene, still not vividly enough to prompt statement from that things would have been done differently by if the opportunity was presented to
Hitchens, Christopher
• defacing of political poster in Beirut by reportedly leads to beating of
Holder, Eric
• U.S. is called "a nation of cowards" by for the aversion of its citizens to engage in meaningful conversations about something as huge as race
Hong Kong International Airport
• really quite spectacular tantrum is thrown at by woman who missed her flight to San Francisco
Hoover, J. Edgar
• obsession of with possible homosexuality of — well, everybody, really, but specifically, in this case, Jack Valenti
Jackson, Marlon
• strange idea of that building a slavery theme park in Nigeria will make people want to go there, since complex would also house Jackson Five memorabilia in case the appeal of the slavery theme proved insufficient
Jackson, Michael
• availability — for a price — of thousands of ridiculous possessions of
Knopf, Alfred A. Jr.
• passing of
McCain, Sen. John
• Sore-loserness of
Nakagawa, Shoichi
• resignation from position as Japan's fiance minister by after apparent public drunkenness of
New York Post
• Rev. Al Sharpton is outraged by
NYU
• students at barricade selves inside cafeteria of
Obama, Barack
• futility of Republican efforts to prevent victory by
The Onion
• behavioral trend is noted by
O'Reilly, Bill
• Helen Thomas is compared to "the Wicked Witch of the East" by
• suggestion by Whoopi Goldberg to that "if you're going to do a little humor,
learn how to do it"
Palin, Bristol
• abstinence is deemed "not realistic at all" by
Palin, Gov. Sarah
• description of as "Dan Quayle with a ponytail"
• taxes not paid by on thousands of dollars in meal money fraudulently received by while living at home now — hah hah! — must be paid by
Patten, Alfie
• furor over fatherhood of, given 13-year-oldness of
Pelosi, Rep. Nancy
• investigations into Bush administration lawlessness are certainly not ruled out by
Rosenblat, Herman
• explanation of that debunked-by-Holocaust-scholars-as-physically-impossible story about apples tossed over concentration camp fence to by future wife of "wasn't a lie, it was my imagination"
Rourke, Mickey
• rumors of romance with Courtney Love are emphatically shot down by ("I'd rather be on a deserted island with a gorilla")
Simpsons, The
• excellent new title sequence for
Suleman, Nadya
• father of questions "mental situation" of
• hostile reaction of tens of thousands of total strangers to prompts grim assessment by newly resigned publicists for ("They want to rip her uterus out")
Trump, Donald
• bankruptcy of casino group of is — yawn! — declared yet again by
Walters, Barbara
• hilarious obtuseness of