Paul Slansky's Weekly Index of the News

  • Share
  • Read Later
Michael Buckner / Getty

Actor Josh Brolin.

Brolin, Josh
•Russell Crowe is compared unfavorably — extremely unfavorably — to Sean Penn by

Burris, Roland
statement by Harry Reid that chances of admission of into the Senate were slim is followed by statement by Harry Reid offering praise of as "a very engaging, extremely nice man" with the additional fine quality of being "very proud of his family"

•turning out into the rain by the Senate of is followed by acceptance into the bosom of the Senate of

Bush, George W.
•claims of that the Obamas couldn't move into Blair House early because it had been previously booked turn out to have been — yes, this, yet again — untrue

•hilarious — no, seriously, laugh-out-loud funny — compilation of alleged "accomplishments and results" of

prosecution of is fervently desired by significant numbers of Americans

smaller-than-lifeness of

suggested memorial to

Bush, Jeb
•shadow of ne'er-do-well brother of causes postponement of national career of

Bush, Laura
•not that much money is paid for memoir of

Butler, George
premature obituary of is protested by

Cheney, Dick
disbelief of that "we violated anybody's civil liberties"

•election of Obama and Biden is declared official by

•opinion of that Bush owes no apologies for failing to foresee economic crisis because, hey, no one saw it coming

Coleman, Norm
deletion of name of from Senate office and phone list

Craig, Larry
cessation of efforts of to withdraw guilty plea of to "disorderly conduct" in an airport men's room by

Flynt, Larry
government bailout of porn industry is proposed by

nephews are sued by for selling "inferior" adult films under the family name

sudden appearance of lots of on Miami freeway

Jackson, Michael
•spokesman for expresses ridiculous notion that, careerwise, the best is yet to come from

Johnston, Levi
•oil field job is quit by after questions are raised about eligibility of to participate in an electrical apprenticeship program without high school diploma

Johnston, Sherry
not guilty plea to oxycontin-related drug charges is entered by

Madoff, Bernard
perplexing continued nonimprisonment of continues to be taken advantage of by

New York Times
advertising appears on front page of

Obama, Barack
choice of Leon Panetta by as CIA chief fails to garner unanimous support

hacking of Twitter account of

•meal shared by with three older men and one aging frat boy

Palin, Sarah
•highest percentage increase in the teenage birthrate occurs in state governed by

howling rage of

•refusal of to reveal daily reading matter to Katie Couric is explained — "Because, Katie, you're not the center of everybody's universe" — by

•resentment of Caroline Kennedy of

Richardson, Bill
Blagojevichization of

grand jury investigation of is taken insufficiently seriously by

Rivers, Joan
•upsetness of at protruding ears of Obama is expressed through mouth on overly-reconstructed face of

Spears, Britney
•earning potential of as a prostitute is assessed by Spitzer madam Kristin Davis

Travolta, John
•questions surrounding tragedy befallen by

Wurzelbacher, Joe 'The Plumber'
•new career of as war correspondent raises possibility that new nickname of should be Joe the Renaissance Man