Paul Slansky's Weekly Index of the News

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Kevin Winter / Getty

Tom Cruise arrives at the Los Angeles premiere of Valkyrie.

Blagojevich, Rod
•repeated declarations of intention to "fight" by are accompanied by repeated declarations of having "done nothing wrong" by

Bush, George W.
•pardon given to son of major contributor to Republican party by is taken back the next day by
•refusal of thrower of shoe at to ever apologize to, even — as his brother says — "if they cut him into small pieces"
•surge in popularity of model of shoe thrown at

Cheney, Dick
infallibility of continues to be touted by
unpopularity of puts in perspective claims of infallibility of

Connell, Michael L.
•conspiracy theories abound concerning death of

Cruise, Tom
•description of in Associated Press review of Valkyrie as "distractingly bad"

Dunn, Roberto
•new murder trial is demanded by on account of two of the convicting jurors having had sex while sequestered

•2009 Super Bowl ad will not be purchased by

Hilton, Paris
•front door of mansion of is carelessly left open by — because really, what does anything matter, really? — allowing thief to stroll in and steal $2 million worth of jewelry from

Johnston, Sherry
•arrest of turns out to have been for oxycontin — or "coffee," as it was referred to in incriminating text messages of — despite widespread assumption that it was for meth

Kennedy, Caroline
diminishment of inevitability of appointment to Senate of

Kitt, Eartha
passing of

Madoff, Bernie
•commencement of suicides by victims of
holiday shopping spree of son of

Monserrate, Hiram
assault charges against for smashing broken glass in the face of girlfriend of threaten timely swearing-in as state senator of

Obama, Barack
•plans of to be sworn in using the same Bible that — surprise! — Lincoln used
•report by transition team of clears said transition team of Blagojevich-related improprieties
shirtlessness of

Palin, Sarah
•Bizarro-world perception of that too few campaign interviews were given by, as opposed to the rather more widely-held view that the too many that were given by were disastrous
•campaign phone calls to from George H. W. Bush went unreturned by
2009 calendar full of photos of

Perino, Dana
•New York Times assignment of blame to Bush for mortgage crisis provokes statements of displeasure by

Pinter, Harold
passing of

Screen Actors Guild
authorization to strike during economic recession may not be sought by

huge increase in number of arrests for

Simpson, Ashlee
•breast milk of is described as "soury" and "weird" by husband of

Snow, John
•admission by that Bush Administration officials "forgot" that people needed to be able to afford the homes they owned

Warren, Rick
anti-gay language is removed from website of
gay thrift shop is visited by

Winehouse, Amy
shirtlessness of