Paul Slansky's Weekly Index of the News

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Kevin Lamarque / Reuters

Obscenities printed in latest issue of comic book about

Baum, Carolyn
•pundit tells Fox News Clinton voters won't vote for Palin just because "she has tits"

Behar, Joy
McCain is told to his face that two of his ads "are lies" by

Biden, Joe
•suggests that Hillary Clinton "might have been a better pick than me"

Bush, George W.
cake not publicly consumed during Hurricane Ike by
•fundraising trip cancelled by in order to "closely monitor the situation in our financial markets"
ridiculously brief statement on economic crisis read by, then podium instantly turned away from by

Fiorina, Carly
• calls Tina Fey's Palin impression "disrespectful" and "sexist"
•compounds gaffe that would-be U.S. vice president Palin doesn't have experience to run a major company by adding that would-be U.S. president McCain doesn't have it either
likelihood of future appearances of on McCain's behalf is seriously diminished

Foley, Mark
• charges related to lurid IM exchanges with young male pages unlikely to be filed against

Hagel, Chuck
• says of Palin, "I think it's a stretch to, in any way, to say that she's got the experience to be president of the United States"
•says of Palin's shills, "I think they ought to be just honest about it and stop the nonsense about, 'I look out my window and I see Russia and so therefore I know something about Russia.' That kind of thing is insulting to the American people"

Holtz-Eakin, Douglas
• claim that McCain "helped create" the Blackberry — by virtue of having been on the Senate Commerce Committee that oversees the telecommunications industry - seriously made by

Kristol, William
self preposterously portrayed as anti-establishment by

McCain, Cindy
• says hosts of The View "picked our bones clean"

McCain, John
• asserts, amidst upheaval at Lehman Brothers and Merrill Lynch and the stock market's worst day in seven years, that "the fundamentals of our economy are strong"
•concedes, an hour after asserting that "the fundamentals of our economy are strong," that "the American economy is in a crisis — in a crisis!"
•concedes Obama didn't call Palin a "pig" while defending his ad implying Obama called Palin a "pig"
confusion about Spain of
•declares, inaccurately, that Palin took no earmarks as govenor of Alaska
regulation, after decades of opposition to, unconvincingly embraced by
•says as President he'd fire chairman of SEC, though president has no such right
2000 doctors demand release of health records of

Obama, Barack
cojones finally discovered by
Lohan's public offer of support spurned by

O'Neal, Redmond
arrested along with father for possession of methamphetamine

O'Neal, Ryan
arrested along with son for possession of methamphetamine

Palin, Sarah
•calls Obama's mocking of McCain's assessment of economy "an unfair attack on the verbiage that Senator McCain chose to use"
• explains that she actually fired Walt Monegan because he was trying to get more money to combat sexual assault crimes
• "Palin and McCain administration" referred to by
tanning bed installed in governor's mansion by
• "visit" to Iraq by revealed to have extended one-quarter mile across border with Kuwait

Perino, Dana
• cites Bush quote "I will be making the decisions" to refute Woodward charge that he was detached from Iraq war management

de Rothschild, Lynn Forester
own position in life as member of wealthy banking family fails to prevent attacks on Obama as "elitist" by

Rove, Karl
• McCain's ads assessed by as having gone "one step too far, and sort of attributing to Obama things that are, you know, beyond the 100 percent truth test"

Saturday Night Live
antithetical-to-comedy notion that sketches need to be "fair and evenhanded" espoused by head writer of

Wall Street
comeuppance of

Winehouse, Amy
own 25th birthday party not attended by