Congress of the Apes

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Somewhere in the universe, there must be something better than Congress... but it's too late to start looking now. After dodging the rancorous fate of the mad House, the Senate has its act together and its paws all over Bill Clinton. The plan is in place and the trial starts (maybe) Thursday, so prepare with three cinematic jaunts through space, time and jurisprudence.

Planet of the Apes (1968). Whether or not you're down with the four sequels (and the TV show and the cartoon), the Franklin J. Shaffner original should not go unrented this week -- no matter how many times you've seen it. Moony '70s sci-fi and vintage Heston kitsch add lustre to what is really a fine Pierre Boulle tale. Beltway fans, don't miss the see-no-evil joke with the three orangutans at Chuck's "trial." Very Jesse Helms.

Witness for the Prosecution (1957). The lying lothario on trial, the love-struck witness, the chessboard floor -- and Charles Laughton. Even better when you consider that Henry Hyde wants fifteen witnesses. Stick to the movie -- it moves faster, and it's got a lot more suspense.

12 Angry Men (1957). OK, so the Senate jurors aren't so angry anymore. But with no apparent heir to Henry Fonda's wise foreman, that could quickly change, and the Lumet classic (no made-for-TV remakes, please) is as close as you'll get to those Senate backrooms. And Jack Klugman's in it! (he's angry).

Well, hats off to the Senate. They didn't blow it up... yet. And in a few years (or a few weeks), Bill Clinton will get on his horse and ride off down the beach into a new future. And next time, we'll get this right.