In other words, the court is fine with a nomenclature under which some marriages would be separate — but equal. In a sentence that will seem silly — and unjust — in 20 years, the court says this explicitly: We will not presume that a separate statutory scheme, which uses a title other than marriage, contravenes equal protection principles, so long as the rights and benefits of civil marriage are made equally available to same-sex couples. The Plessy court couldnt have said it better: separate railway cars for blacks are fine, as long as they are just as nice as the ones for whites. Dont bother about that curtain between the black and white cars. Marriages, civil unions, two guys shacking up with a lot of All-Clad cookware — does the term really matter?
It does. Actually, I have a bit of sympathy for the court on what to call gay relationships. I was never certain what to call my boyfriend of eight years — ick, boyfriend. Im 35, not 15. But partner sounds clinical, lover sounds too 70s and longtime companion sounds pathetic, evoking two old queens in cardigans watching Bette Davis movies.
Nothing else sounds right because we already have a terminology for our better halves — spouses, husbands, wives. But because Michael and I couldnt marry, calling him my spouse was a lie. So I always introduced him as my partner and put my hand around his waist, to show we didnt just run a pet store or a restaurant or a Hollywood studio together. I also showed pictures of our two beautiful cats (wait a second, do we sound like longtime companions now?).
To be sure, the New Jersey decision has moments of ringing clarity. It enumerates specific ways in which gay couples suffer when they cant marry, even gay couples in a state like New Jersey that protects gay individuals from discrimination. For instance, the court noted that if a lesbian dies, her partner doesnt currently have access to survivor benefits under the state Workers Compensation Act. She cant get the back wages owed to her deceased girlfriend. She cant get the compensation available to spouses and other relatives of homicide victims. Gay parents in New Jersey can go through the long, expensive process of adopting the children of their partners, but straight people must only get married — anywhere, even in a quickie Vegas hitch — and the state automatically presumes dual parentage.
The courts decision will end these (and many other) inequalities, and in that sense it stands in contrast to the embarrassing New York high court ruling from earlier this year. A skein of twisted reasoning, that 4-2 decision went against marriage equality. In an unpersuasive bit of reverse bigotry, the New York court said that because straight relationships are all too often casual or temporary and can lead to children born out of wedlock, the state needed to help straights by maintaining an exclusive, all-heterosexual club called marriage. Straight people used to be obsessed with the dangers of gay bathhouses; I guess sports bars and hetero dating sites are now the real dangers to society.