The Weight of the Evidence

Are fat white Christians an oppressed minority in Nebraska? At least one judge thinks so -- but that might have more to do with his removal from office for setting off fireworks in his colleagues' offices, among other peculiar juridical habits. Former Douglas County judge Richard "Deacon" Jones, who was fired from his position by the state Supreme Court for "a continuing pattern of misconduct," claims that the scales of justice just can't handle fat jurists, and has filed a discrimination complaint with the state's Equal Employment Opportunity Commission.

Of course the 400-pound Jones's sad-sacking couldn't have anything to do with his habit of signing papers "Adolf Hitler" and "Snow White" -- and why penalize him for the age-old Nebraska legal tradition of setting bonds of "a gazillion pengos," as he is accused of doing? Throw in his misunderstood indoor Grucci impersonation along with allegations of swearing routinely at court staff and making improper physical contact with a female judge, and you've got the makings of a high-tech lynching, as another wise man once said. Jones's suit says he was discriminated against by Nebraska's sole black state senator -- who started the investigation to remove him -- because of Jones's condition, and because he is white and Christian.