Be Cruel to Your School

Many of you readers will graduate college this week. More accurately, many of you have grandchildren who will graduate this week, and I ask you to pass this on to them with your cold, brittle, liver-spotted hands. For even though no university, junior college or turtle/pirate/parrot-drawing-by-mail school responded to my offer to deliver a commencement speech, I have advice far more useful than applying sunscreen or respecting your elders.

Just hours after Bill Cosby's words have finally dripped to a pointless conclusion, you will receive your first call from your alma mater. She will not want to chat. She will want...

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