Satan's School For Girls

ABC, March 13, 8 p.m. E.T.

Trying to manufacture camp on purpose is as fruitless as trying to make primitive art in a factory. But that's the blatant aim of this remake of a 1973 occult cult classic--hence the over-the-top visual effects, the showy lesbian overtones and the general '70s-horror vibe. Casting Kate Jackson, from the original Satan, shows how desperately this 6-6-sex flick wants cult cred. And casting Shannen Doherty of Charmed reminds us that there's cooler supernatural programming on several nights a week now.

--By James Poniewozik

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