Brown-Bagging It

I have no problem with pornography. Pornography has got me through some of my most difficult times: my prepubescence, my pubescence, my postpubescence, my post-postpubescence and whatever they call the part I'm in now. But I hate the SPORTS ILLUSTRATED swimsuit issue. And it's not just because they won't let me be host of that TNT Making of special--though, if they want to end my negative campaign, that will probably do it.

Last year my Time Inc. co-workers and I received our sister magazine's swimsuit issue wrapped in a brown interoffice envelope. A white strip on the cover said FOR OFFICE...