Pancake Politics

BAUER’S BIGGEST FLOP

Religious conservative and G.O.P. presidential hopeful Gary Bauer finally dropped out of the primary race last Friday. Something to do with his sub-1% showing in New Hampshire, said the pundits. Aficionados of his star turn at last Monday’s Bisquick pancake contest know better. Here’s the play-by-play:

1 Bauer, who once said making pancakes was his hidden talent, sends a doughy orb skyward

2 The trajectory of the flapjack takes him dangerously close to the edge of the 4-ft. riser

3 Bauer tumbles off and disappears behind a curtain, where George W. Bush says: Oh, oh! Here comes Bauer.

4 A concerned staff member searches for him, as Bauer’s red face pops back through the curtain

5 Bauer jumps back on the stage with the spatula (but not the pan) and declares: I’m a fighter!