I Am So Amused

Even in the world of high fashion, having a muse on the payroll seems wonderfully extravagant.

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All I know is that I need a muse. I see her lying lazily on my desk, eating bags of Cheetos. Her presence, along with the smell of Cheetos, will somehow make my copy much better. Brooks thinks this is a great idea, but I fear it won't go over well with my wife. That's when Brooks suggests her hot friend Valeria, who is a lesbian. And it is right then that I finally see just how valuable a muse Brooks is.

A few weeks later, when I am having trouble with this very article, Valeria leaves me a message. Though I am disappointed that my muse lives in the suburbs of New Jersey, I call her right back, at which point I am further disappointed to hear that my muse has a day job importing electronics parts. Still, Valeria is inspiring. In a syrupy voice, she tells me to dip a bag of tea slowly into a cup of hot water while thinking to myself, No goals. Though that didn't help this piece, I can understand why muses are so valuable: they justify procrastination. This chai's for you, Valeria.

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