Why The Stock Market Keeps Rising

I always wanted porn-star friends. I figured they'd know not only where all the good parties were but also where to buy fetching outfits for my female friends. But it turns out they know about something far more exciting than sex: money. Orgies are great and all, but they're a little early '99, a little Eyes Wide Shut, if you know what I mean. If I find a woman who can point me toward the next AOL, then I'm a man in search of a diamond ring.

Last week porn star Marylin Star was charged with soliciting insider trading secrets...

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