Ask Doctor Y2K

Forget computer bugs. Worry about PMS (Post-Millennial syndrome)

Q. What is Post-Millennial syndrome?

A. The feeling of letdown everyone will experience starting Jan. 1, along with a pounding headache, nausea, sensitivity to any sound louder than a mouse cough and wishing that the world had in fact come to an end just after midnight.

Q. Sounds harsh.

A. The headache and yearning for death will result from the 5 million bottles of champagne that Americans are expected to drink this New Year's Eve. PMS is a psychological affliction. The Germans, who go in for really long nouns, call it emptiness-from- having-spent-thousands-of-deutsche-marks-(dollars)-stockpiling-the-bunker-(basement)-with-flashlight-batteries-and- spring-water-and-cans-of-tuna-for-no-reason. Heidegger would call it whatnextness,...

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